baby threads

So my brother, his wife and 2 month old baby (my first and only niece) arrived this morning from Taiwan.
He has been living there for over 7 years but decided that Canada might be a better place to raise his daughter- so he moved back.
I have mixed emotions about this.
On one hand I am excited that Lulu will have a cousin near by and more family is always good.
Especially considering her current only child status.
My mom will have her two granddaughters close by as well.
I'm hoping that now that my brother is a father- that he will change his party-frat/boy attitude and we can get to know each other a bit better.
maybe even find that we have a few things in common.

But I have to admit- I am also nervous.
It's been pretty peaceful for the most part for the past 7 years.
No drama during the holidays or tense family gatherings.
I get along really well with my parents and am very protective of them.
In the past my brother and parents haven't always seen eye to eye.
Same with the two of us.
He hasn't really been very inclusive or open about his life over the past decade- regardless of how many times we have reached out to him.
there were years where I barely even got an email from him.
Same with my parents.
My mom was devestated by that.
I just hope he's really changed.

But I'm going to try to be positive and optimistic.
My parents helped by finding him a job and house.
Completely got it ready for when they arrived.
We set them up with a TON of lulu's old baby clothes and baby gear.
not to mention some great furniture that we had in storage (for the dream cottage we would love to buy some day)
Beautiful bedding, a sofa, tables, dining table & chairs, crib, bouncy chairs, car seats, baby toys, baby bath, all Lulu's sweet baby bedding and accessories...
You name it- we passed it on.
I wish I had a sister like me four years ago...
but for now they could use a helping hand.
And we are happy to oblige.
I just really hope it is appreciated.
We'll see.

I do have to say, that it was so hard to part with all of Lulu's tiny baby clothes that I hadn't seen in 3 1/2 years.
Very very emotional.
why is it that parting with baby clothes seems so...final?
it's just clothing and stuff after-all.
Even my mom was getting all sentimental when we were filling the dresser with all these cute little outfits.
It really had me thinking- is that it?
will I ever hold a baby of my own again?

But I am looking forward to meeting this newest member of the family- especially if she is wearing one of Lulu's adorable hand-me-downs.
She may not be my own- but I'm sure I'll love her and will love seeing Lulu with her tiny cousin.
I'm sure it will melt my heart.
Or completely annoy the hell out of me that she is puking all over that sweet Ralph Lauren cardigan that I gave her.
just kidding...

birthday girl

Dear Lulu,
Birthday "girl" is right.
You are now officially a little girl.
No more baby...sniff sniff...
Every time we talk about your upcoming birthday and I get that melancholy glazed look in my eyes, you keep reassuring me by saying "don't worry momma, I'll always be your baby."
You are one perceptive little person let me tell you.
You love to make me feel good and always seem to know the right thing to say.
It amazes me really.
So you are now four.
Four! how the heck did four years go by so quickly?
I know I seem to say this each year, by man do I wish I could freeze time.
Three- almost four has been the best so far.
You are independent enough that I can have some breathing space to do my own thing.
Yet you still need me and more importantly want both your daddy & I around.
You love hanging out with us all the time.
I really hope this is the way you will always feel- no matter what age you are.
As much as you love to socialize (and I might add that you have a pretty impressive little social circle filled with a really nice group of sweet kids) home is definitely your favorite place to be.
You love all your stuff especially all your markers and craft supplies.
You have created many a "master piece" from empty toilet paper rolls and empty shoe boxes (and there's plenty of those kicking around these days) momma likes her foot wear...
You are so creative yet so meticulous.
I love that about you.
You floor me with all the big words you effortlessly string together.
Words like appreciate, apparently, similar and even cantankerous- yes cantankerous!
You even used it in the right context!
And you're absolutely right- daddy can be cantankerous sometimes...but we love him despite that don't we?
But you still refer to mandarin oranges in a fruit cup as "man in the oranges" which I totally love.
Your voice still has that sweet little girl ring to it- which, well if I'm being totally honest works overtime some days.
You really like to chat. and chat. and chat. and chat. and chat. and chat......I guess you just have lots to say...sigh..
I wonder where you get that from? wink wink nudge nudge.
I do love it though.
Being able to have all these conversations with you and trying to the best of my ability to answer your endless questions about the world around you.
I only wish I had an answer for everything you asked me.
When I don't, I look it up (who ever invented Wikipedia is a genius!)
And without knowing it, you teach me something new each day as well.
You are a complete animal and nature lover.
Especially dogs, birds and flowers.
You seem to know the names of more birds and foliage than I do.
Your first word was "birdy" after-all.
I love that you told daddy the other day that the yellow blooms on a shrub on the corner was a forsythia.
Boy was he impressed.
But currently you are dog obsessed.
Thus the theme of your birthday party tomorrow.
You ask us everyday for a real dog- and eventually when the timing is right, we will grant your wish.
But for now the stuffed Gund variety will have to suffice.
You have blossomed into this sweet, gentle, funny and lovable little girl that we couldn't be more proud of.
You are the light in our lives and each day seems to get better than the one before.
So Happy Fourth Birthday my sweet Lulu- I love you more that you could possibly ever imagine.

Love mom xoxo

oh and p.s. if anyone knows where I can get a time freezing machine- please let me know.

listening to...Frances England-Family Tree-You & Me at the moment
which is even making me even more sentimental.
sniff sniff....

nothing like a little time away

Things have been pretty busy- but in a really good way.
I love this time of year, fresh starts and new beginnings.
Big daddy & I have had a bit of a hard go of things over the winter- bickering and generally getting on each other's nerves.
Though I doubt this is that unusual for most couples with three year olds constantly interrupting them and never really allowing any down time for mommy & daddy.
Not that we both don't adore sweet Lulu- but it's been tough.
It also seems like every other week we keep hearing about couples we know splitting up.
Scary stuff and also a bit of a wake up call.
Never take anything for granted- especially not a good marriage.
We had a long talk a few weeks ago about making some changes.
About making our marriage as much of a priority as everything else in our lives- if not more so.
Because without that- everything else starts to crumble.
It's the foundation of our family and it should trump everything else.
No matter how cute and adorable she might be..
But- as anyone who has been married (for almost 9 years!!!) knows, it takes work.
and spending time alone together is crucial.
So my most amazing parents offered to take Lulu for a few days spontaneously and give us some much needed time alone together.
As much as we missed her (sort of...okay not so much....okay maybe a little....) we had a great time just the two of us.
We went out for dinner twice- because we could!
we had drinks late into the night with friends- because we could!
we slept in two mornings in a row- who knew 8 a.m. would ever be considered sleeping in?...whatever- it was heaven.
we went for dessert one night past 9 p.m.- because we could!
we-as in me- drank lots of wine and threw caution to the wind- because I could!
we stayed in and barbecued and made a ton of noise past 8 p.m. because we could!
Lulu had a ton of fun at my parents as usual, so I felt totally relaxed and confident that she was in great hands.
As a result, things feel much more balanced around here.
well except maybe for the need to now re-program Lulu after almost 4 days with her grandparents.
They are so amazing with her, that they might just be a little too amazing.
She is now demanding 100% of our attention at all times- because that's what grandma & grandpa do.
So today was a wee bit challenging to say the least.
At one point we were out and about doing some errands.
The first errand being, stopping to get Lulu an ice cream cone.
Everything seemed fine and dandy for a few brief moments.
Then when we stopped for a coffee for oh...a minute-she decided she HAD to go pet a dog outside of the coffee shop.
THAT VERY SECOND.
I told her to wait as we were waiting for our coffee.
she ignores me and tries to bolt for the door-which is kind of out of character for her- but like I said- re-program time.
So I gently hold her by the arm and say "one sec sweetie, when daddy gets his coffee we can go pet the doggie"
she screams- and I mean screams- "YOU BROKE MY ARM!!!!! IT'S BLEEDING!!!!!!"
um, can you say mortified?
Where did she even come up with that line?
Do Max & Ruby have crazy physically violent fights that I know nothing about?
nuts.
Did I mention how nice it was to get a break?
My parents are.the.best.
I love you Mom & Dad- not that they know about this blog- but still.
They really are the best.
So here's to spring and fresh starts and new beginnings- which hopefully includes being quiet, polite and patient while waiting with mommy & daddy in our local coffee shop.

happy easter

what I love most about being a mom

I was recently tagged by Karen over at A Day In The Life and asked to put down into words Five things that I love most about being a mother.
That's' a tough one because there's so much.

1. I especially love being a mother to Lulu specifically.
duh...
but seriously, I feel so privileged to be her mother.
I just feel like she's just so beautifully special and unique, that I feel really proud to be her mom.

2. I love the feeling of her tiny soft hand when we hold hands- which thankfully is still often.

3. I love her cute giggles and when I can really make her laugh with a funny story about "when I was a little girl..."
she loves those stories- especially when they revolve around one of the many crazy dogs we had back when I was a kid.
"tell me the one about the doggies under the Christmas tree mommy!! again again!!"
she's my number one fan and I love it.

4. I love that being a mother makes me way more aware of everything around me- and makes me really and truly want to be a better person so that I can set a good example for my beautiful daughter.

5. I love that being a mother has brought me so much closer to my own mother- it has really taught me how special a mother and daughter relationship really is.

6. I love how much more centered and focused I have become since being a mother.
I really don't sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I did in the past.

7. I love how Lulu makes me do my very best to savour each and every day and to stop and smell the roses a bit more than I used to.
literally every time we walk by the flower shop on our block...

8. I love how being a mother has made me put less emphasis on material things and more about things that really matter.
Like family, health and happiness- in that order.

9. I love reading lulu her stories at bedtime and when she says to me "let's chat about our day mama..." then kissing her goodnight, dimming the lights just so, winding the music box, sneaking one more kiss and hug and saying "nite nite, sweet dreams and I'll see ya in the morning" and she repeats that back to me as I walk down the stairs.

10. I love when Lulu snuggles up in bed with me in the mornings and softly strokes my arm telling me how much she loves me and that "you're the best mama!"

11. I love spending time doing interesting things on the weekends that we might never have done if we didn't have a three year old. Like visiting local farms, the sugar shack, family festivals and museums.
So fun.

12. I love everything about being a mother.
yes even the tears and tantrums, because although they are super frustrating, in the end, they teach me patience- never one of my strong suits.
Motherhood is one giant learning curve and I love that.

Okay I don't really love having to rush out the door to pick Lulu up after only a couple of hours of personal time (which never seems enough to really get much done- especial important things like writing a post)
As in I better get moving or she'll be the last one picked up today.
But I do love when she comes running over to me and gives me a huge hug and tells me how much she missed me, holds my hand and asks me what's on tap for the rest of the day together...

okay way more than five- but I couldn't help it.
Anyone else care to share what they love most about being a mother?