flying solo

When Lulu was an infant the thought of big daddy going away for a shoot would totally freak me out.
How will I survive?
What if something terrible happens to him? or worse to Lulu? what would I do?
I'll be so lonely and bored, I can't do this parenting thing alone...
Funny how things change after a few years.
Now that Lulu is four- her & I have our own little routine.
I feel pretty confident and capable these days actually.
When it's just the two of us there's no dinner rush and frantic craziness when daddy gets home or competition for attention.
Just us two gals eating and chatting.
Well lulu is actually the one doing all the chatting-what else is new?
but whatever- after a glass (or two) of wine at the end of the day I find her endless chatter pretty sweet and in many ways the highlight of our day.
Besides, when big daddy is home things always seem so tense and rushed these days.
Voices are inevitable raised and Lulu is the one that is affected.
I find that so frustrating.,
If she gets any time in with big daddy it's usually only for about an hour- if that- and she always has to compete with either his email, iPhone, low blood sugar or just his daily stress level in general.
Not so much fun actually.
Once the whole bed/bath ritual is finished (which 75% of the time I deal with) we end up on separate parts of the sofa- barely talking.
He has one laptop, I have another.
If we do speak these days, it's usually about him, his day, his life- because we all know that the life of a SAHM is so insignificant.
grrr.
okay I thought I wouldn't vent but I feel the need.
After another very unceremonious wedding anniversary-on his part not mine- won't even get into the details of my disappointment this week, but all I can really say is that honestly- not even a card?!
I mean common dude...geez...
There's so many things I wish I could write about- but out of respect- I feel like I shouldn't.
but will say that we need to make some changes.
I'm am really starting to question why I put up with certain things.
I know I deserve better.
I can honestly say that in many ways, I kind of prefer it when big daddy is away.
I know, that sounds so terrible.
I feel really awful even saying that- but lately that's how I feel.
Right before he left- he made a comment that well...was really unnecessary and really hurt.
For some reason I'm having a really time getting past it- most likely because it's something I'm really sensitive about these days.
And no it had nothing to do with my unsightly stretch marks- it was nothing physical actually.
Big daddy isn't that much of an ass.
It was hopefully just something he said out of anger and frustration- but who knows..
Maybe my last post was me just candy coating things- or maybe I was just making one last effort.

Time for a change- that's for sure.
At least I have some time and space to think about how I can help to make those changes.
let's just hope absence makes the heart grow fonder this week.

nine down- only 41 more to go

So today is our 9th wedding anniversary.
hip hip- hooray!
We made it this far.
Though I can't believe it's been that long already.
If you tack on the 3 years I knew big daddy before we were married that makes it 12 years!
Whaaat?
Seriously I can still remember when we first started dating.
Okay I admit it takes some serious concentration and some quiet "alone time" if ya know what I mean; ;
But honestly- 12 years I have been with the same guy.
So long I can't really imagine what my life would be like without him.
It's been a bit of a bumpy road these past couple of years, but I still know that without a doubt I'm with the man I'm meant to be with.
We are like a well oiled machine (okay so it's a bit of a rusty machine these days- but hey- it still works)
I'm a lucky gal to have a guy like Big daddy for a husband- did you hear that big D. yes I said lucky.
don't even think about holding that against me...
and hey you didn't do too badly yourself come to think of it ;
anyhow- that's it.
Just wanted to put it out there.
Happy Anniversary Big Daddy-o.
Still lovin' you after all these years.
Oh and don't forget to take out the recycling tonight ;
xoxo p.g.

I love Mondays

Well it's a new day/week and I'm feeling much better than the other day.
I had a major case of Bitchyitius and I guess I had the need to vent.
Blogs are such a fun place to unload.
Monday's are the new Friday around our house these days.
I love Mondays.
Back to " The Routine"
G-d love "The Routine".
We strayed a bit from the routine last week and I think that could have been part of the reason Lulu was getting up so early.
The later we let her stay up, the earlier she gets up and also the grumpier she gets.
duh...
So much for trying to ease up a bit and being more spontaneous.
ah well- we tried.
We went to some friends for dinner on Saturday night and they thought it would be fun if Lulu tried to sleep over with their daughter, so that we could stay later and have some more grown up time.
Their daughter can crash out anywhere- anytime.
Lulu not so much.
She is a creature of habit and I didn't think it would happen- but I thought we should try to go with the flow and give it a whoorl.
Kids are adaptable right?
wrong.
Sure enough Lulu wouldn't go to sleep and was keeping their poor little girl up waaaay past her bed time.
They were both exhausted.
I kept saying- we really should go and get Lulu home to bed- but I felt kind of pressured to stay and let her eventually fall asleep. (which I so knew wasn't going to happen)
By 10 o'clock I knew it wasn't meant to be.
Plus I was kind of ready to go myself by that point.
We eventually left after some more pressure (I felt like such a stick in the mud)
But she passed out within minutes of leaving in her stroller (they live in the neighbourhood)
so we at least got to go for a nice long walk around the neighbourhood past 10 p.m. which was kind of nice.
Haven't done that in ages.
Anyhow my point is that I know my daughter.
I should have just stuck to my guns and said we should get going at around 8-9 and left it at that.
Even that would have been past her usual bed time- but not so late that she would be over-tired.
and we all know what happens when your kids get "over-tired".
She was a write off all day yesterday and I feel kind of responsible (and a bit annoyed at myself)
So last night it was an early bedtime (7:30) and she slept for 12 straight hours.
Whew.
7:30 a.m. she came quietly into our room and was a different child.
I know it's okay to occasionally break the routine- especially during the warm summer months, but a good nights sleep is crucial for everyone in the family.
Especially me.
So here's to a new week- and nice long 12 hour sleep marathons.

under a spell

I only wish that was the sleep fairy pictured above....

Unfortunately for us- Lulu has been waking before the birds these past few weeks.
As in 5:30 and 6 a.m.ish....
As in Hell o'clock.
7 a.m. would make such a huge difference- seriously.
Anyhow what parent doesn't constantly complain about interrupted sleep?
I'll tell you who.
My happy-go-f'ing-extra-happy- all-the-f'ing-time neighbours.
that's who.
They have a 2 and a half year old and a new born and I swear they are ALWAYS smiling.
Always blissful and always nauseatingly happy.
I mean, I don't think I have ever seen them in a rush, flustered, angry, tired looking, frustrated, or upset.
ever.
Even when the 2 year old is crying and having a "moment" they are always the picture of calm serenity.
What's up with that?
We just don't get it.
Sure they have a nanny and a cleaning lady that does the groceries and the cooking- but still...
The back yard always looks as though a fisher price toy bomb went off - but they never seem to care.
It's all about the kids.
and happy happy happy.
Don't get me wrong- they are really nice.
In fact so nice that I feel a bit guilty about writing this, okay not really, but still, I just want to know- what are they on?
what keeps them so chipper all the freaking time?
Why don't I ever hear them raising their voices or losing their temper the way we always seem to be around here these days?
I just want to know.
Even when their kid is running down the street towards a car they calmly walk (never run) after her.
mean while I'm like "LULU!!!! STOP RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!! DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT 10 000 LB ESCALADE GOING 20 OVER THE SPEED LIMIT???? WAIT FOR MOMMMY!!!! NEVER RUN AWAY LIKE THAT!!!!!AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Okay maybe I'm not that bad- but still, I have been known to get my "mom voice" on when the need arises (which has been far too frequently these days I'm afraid)
Don't get me wrong, Lulu is a great kid. Really great.
For the most part she listens and is very obedient- but like I mentioned- she's a KID.
And that comes with some challenges.
At least for us.
Maybe my neighbours got some sort of a magical manual when they brought their kids home from the hospital.
Or maybe they just raided the med. closet before they left...
just a thought.
Whatever it is that keeps them that freakin' chipper all the time- I want some.

Or maybe their kids just sleep until 7, or maybe they go to bed at 8 p.m. with them- which is my guess.
not that I'm judging...
What else could it be?
Oh and I forgot to mention that they actually seem to enjoy putting the kids in the car seats.
Yes I said ENJOY.
Who likes dealing with that crap?
I know I don't- and I only have one to buckle in each day. geez..

Is anyone else out there THAT happy?
Or am I just a crusty bitch these days?
Come on- be honest- I can take it.

edited to add: after a decent nights sleep (although I heard a little someone up and at'em at 6:30) I feel a bit bad about writing this post.
But staying true to myself- I won't delete it.
It's how I've been feeling these days.
Not sure why it bothers me so much that there are parents out there that seem to be walking around in a perpetual bubble full of blissful oblivion- but it does.
Maybe I'm jealous.
Maybe I wish I had a part time nanny and a house keeper that does the groceries, takes out the trash, cooks and even cleans the inside of the car...grrrr.....
For the record I don't live next to the Trumps or anything like that either- which bugs me even more.
The house is VERY modest and I'm pretty sure they don't make a ton of money- it's just that because they have "help" they seem to always have so much more free time to just chill and goo goo and gahh gahh over the kids.
which also bugs me.
maybe we put to much emphasis on the wrong things- like gardening, picking up toys, having a bit of house pride, cleaning up between the houses, cooking, did I mention cleaning? looking after Lulu on my own 24/7 and did I mention cooking and cleaning?
I feel like a mean spirited person as I write this- but if I'm being honest.....
I hate feeling so negative.
Okay it's a new day- time to think positive and not worry so much about what other people are up to (or not up to...grrrrr...)
maybe it's a full moon or something.

upchuckin' uptown style

We have officially entered the "my Tummy hurts phase"
It all began the night of Lulu's 4th birthday party.
After much excitement, hot sun and sugary sweets she was hugging the porcelain around midnight.
Poor little thing.
In all fairness that episode was followed by 2 weeks worth of the sniffles.
So maybe it was a bit of a bug combined with the excitement of the party.
We figured we were safe to book a little weekend get away to NYC this past weekend and that we were out of the woods.
The flight is only an hour and we even got a fantastic hotel in the Upper east Side with a mini kitchen-just in case.
Sure enough when we landed "someone" wasn't feeling so great.
but funny enough, she seemed to perk up when we went here.








She seemed to be fine and said she was feeling hungry so we decided to go for sushi.
Lulu ordered her usual- Miso soup, edamame and Gyoza.
Within minutes (just as my dinner arrives at the table) she starts saying her Tummy hurts.
I could tell this was no exaggeration.
I quickly whisked her out of the restaurant- telling big daddy to brown bag mine and meet us back at the hotel.
The minute we got out the door she lost her Gyoza all over 3rd and 62nd st.
Fortunately not in front of the restaurant window- can you imagine having to watch that as you are eating dinner?
But not so fortunate for the fruit vendor who happened to be located a few feet from the technicoloured episode.
Who knew Gummy Bears looked exactly the same coming up as they look going down?
I got her back to the hotel and cleaned her up and she immediately fell asleep.
So the next day we were hopeful.
Maybe it was the turbulence that pushed her over the edge, or most likely all the candy she kept grabbing at Dylan's.
Either way- it was a new day in we were in NYC.
Then we stumbled upon this place.



Someone had to have a chocolate croissant.
I only let her eat half- much to her dismay and hours worth of protest.
sure enough, she started to complain about her tummy again.
We went into panic mode a bit worrying that she would barf all over Park Avenue, but we kept on going telling her to take deep breaths and sip her cold water.
(it always seemed to help me when I'm in the hangover trenches- or in that dismal first trimester)
We managed to get to Central park without incident.
and all seemed fine.






We spent most of the weekend at the park - whick when you think about it- we kind of could of just done at home.



Then again, last time I checked there weren't any amazing street performers at any Park in T.O. or are there?
if so please let me know.



So while Lulu was climbing the monkey bars and skipping happily around, we got to enjoy some amazing musicians.
There was a beautiful harp player, a sax player In the tunnel - great acoustics, two really cute college guys playing some serious classical guitar- just to name a few.
I really loved that.



The weather was stellar and the people watching is my favourite part of being in NYC.
so fun playing "what's their story?" while in New York.



Of course we hit a few musuems- sort of.
went to the MOma gift shop and Lulu fell asleep in her stroller so we opted not to go in the actual Gallery- seeing as we really went there for her in the first place.
Instead we beelined it to a restaurant for a lovely LEISURE lunch here.
Haven't done that in a few years.
Oh how I miss nap time.



All in all it was a nice weekend.
Did a little shopping, did lots of walking, enjoyed all the spring blooms and got to spend it with my two favourite people.
I am however glad that our hotel had a kitchen- as we ended up doing groceries and feeding our tummy troubled princess back in our room where the bathroom would be close by.
Fortunately no other spilling of the beans and aside from a few false alarms and she was good as new.
well the minute we got home.
sigh....



I love including Lulu in our travels- but three strikes (Orlando, Miami and now New York) she has been sick.
which sucks.
so maybe next time I think it will be just big daddy & I.
Lulu can enjoy her next all inclusive vacation at Hotel Grandma and Grandpa.
Just a thought.

why wait till friday?

Gives new meaning to the term- "hump" day....

Oh that was the only sexy photo I could come up with- in case you were wondering...