Kind of ironic that the first photo and post of 2015 included our French bulldog Chelsea in it.
The poor little thing has been very sick for the entire month of January.
The past four weeks have been more difficult than I could have ever imagined.
It started with a cough, which quickly turned into pneumonia which was most likely caused by an abnormality of Chelsea's upper airways. She's probably had it since birth, but is now becoming a life threatening issue.
Once she is healthy enough, she will have to undergo a serious surgery to hopefully correct her Brachycephalic Syndrome.
If she is ever healthy enough...
To say that the past two weeks have been emotionally taxing is an understatement.
She has spent three days in intensive care hooked up to IV's and oxygen and is on a boat load of drugs.
We even have to give her injections three times a day.
I get faint at the sight of a paper cut, never mind having to poke my sweet little puppy with a needle.
I have to feed her tiny amounts of soft food by hand every couple of hours, which hopefully she will keep down.
I haven't been able to leave to house for more than a hour at a time.
She's lost 25% of her normal body weight.
It's absolutely heartbreaking.
Big daddy is travelling for work.
Lulu has been devastated to say the least, which drives the dagger into my heart just a little bit deeper.
There were several times this week when I watched Chelsea struggling to breathe and foaming at the mouth where I thought...this is it.
She isn't going to make it.
I'm going to have to "put her down"
I've cried a bucket load of tears.
I'm spent.
Then I question myself if it is "normal" to feel so emotionally attached to an animal?
Am I being crazy?
I've never been through this, so I have no idea if it is, or not.
I think to myself that anyone without a pet would never understand and think I'm nuts.
How could you get it, unless you have been through it yourself?
But I've been surprised by the compassion of several of my pet-less friends.
Their support and understanding has been so helpful.
Not to mention the ones with fury family members.
I think they have cried right along with me.
But still I do wonder if it's natural or healthy to feel so attached.
Pets teach us so much.
Unconditional love and also fear of loss.
They teach us to follow your intuition.
Affection.
How to cope with anxiety...Chelsea always helps keep me keep calm while sitting on my lap when we are stuck in traffic by snuggling into me.
Not sure why, but it always seems to help.
I hate being stuck in the middle of a busy highway and not being able to exit if the need arises.
If I have a bad day, it all disappears when she comes running to the door to greet me when I get home.
If I've had a good day it just makes that much better.
Having her makes me stop and smell the roses, or in her case, stop and sniff the squirrel that ran up a tree.
She's never made a mess on the floor (even when she was a puppy) chewed a toy or shoe that didn't belong to her.
Watching her play with her toys however, is more entertaining than anything else.
She follows me all over the house, even I go running up the stairs just to grab something only to come right back down.
She's my number one fan.
I just love her.
She has very distinct relationships with all of us.
I'm definitely the alpha leader-dog mom.
Numero uno.
Lulu is her playful little sister, but she is also protective and sits under her bed every night until she falls asleep.
Big daddy is her favourite wrestling partner and loves to play tug-of-war after dinner each night.
She also loves to hug him and doesn't let him put her down.
She would be content in his arms all day.
It's so incredibly sweet to watch.
She has made me stop and think that if this is how difficult it is to watch a sick pet, how hard would it be to say goodbye to a human family member.
I can't even to being to imagine the level of pain involved.
I want to be optimistic and hope that she will get better and survive.
But at this point it's all up in the air.
Only time will tell.
I can't be in control of everything in life.
This may be the biggest lesson she has taught me so far...
