dream weaver

I love a good dream.
I especially love when I can actually recall what I dreamt about in the first place.
Every morning without fail Lulu comes bouncing into our room around 6:45, climbs into bed with us and without taking a breath proceeds to tell me what her dreams were about.
Or if I'm really lucky-before my eyes are even open, asks me what I dreamt about-or more accurately- was currently dreaming about.
She has some real doosies let me tell you.
I have to admit, sometimes they kind of freak me out.
last night she dreamt that "big daddy's hand was all red....I think he cut it with a knife"
is that normal for a 3 year old?
Shouldn't she be dreaming about things like fairies, kittens and cotton candy at this age?
But in all fairness, maybe I put the fear of god into her when she reached up into the kitchen knife drawer a few weeks ago and I kind of told her that if she did that again, that she could cut her fingers off.
I was just trying to be affective.
It is filled with a dozen or so very sharp Globals after-all.
Sometimes a little drama goes along way...

A few weeks ago (st. Patrick's day) I had a dream about an old high school friend's dad.
His name being Patrick.
I haven't thought about or seen him in years.
But for some reason he popped into my subconscious.
I just found out the other day that he had passed away.
I find it so strange that he would have appeared in my thoughts out of the blue like that...shudder...

Last night I dreamt about some friends I haven't seen in over 15 years.
I dreamt that they had a dog kennel with hundreds of dogs.
last time I saw them, they had one very sweet Black Lab named Ryker, so I have no idea what that was all about.
I hope Ryker is okay.
But now I'm wondering why, after all these years would they just pop into my dreams?
should I look them up and find out what's up?
But they weren't really good friends, so maybe that would be strange.
"Hi Maryanne & Neil, it's me thepetitegourmand...I know we haven't spoken in over 15 years, but I was just wondering...how's your dog?"
Okay that would be weird.

Anyhow It's got me thinking.
What are dreams exactly?
and what do they really mean?
and that I am just SO SO happy that I have re-entered the point in my life that I am able to sleep long enough to have lots of deep dreams.

Now if I could just conjure up a little "dream" about oh say...maybe Ewan McGregor, Robert Pattinson or the new very hot fitness instructor at my gym (but that's a whole other post)
Now those would be some dreams worth remembering.

home is sort of where the heart is

I can hardly believe we've been in our house for over 5 years already.
It seems like just yesterday when we moved to our neighbourhood and could not stop smiling for months each time we had to walk around the corner to all the fantastic shops or walk through the neighbourhood admiring all the beautiful old homes.
I would have to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming.
Do I really live here?
It was a big change from our previous "hood" and I don't think we have really stopped smiling come to think of it.
It's such a great part of the city.
Close to everything, safe, very family friendly, yet still urban and interesting.
There is tons of green space in the area with lots of parks and huge tree lined streets.
Minimal crime, very pretty homes which for the most part, people really seem to look after with a strong sense of house pride.
We often joke and call it pleasantville.
But when we originally moved in, we kind of figured it would be our 5-7 year home.
Eventually wanting to move into something a little bigger.
See our house is probably one of the smallest in the neighbourhood.
Sure it's cute, but every time I walk Lulu to school I can't help but to stare longingly at every other house on our street.
I try to not get too depressed and keep reminding myself how lucky we are to be even in such a lovely neighbourhood, but some days I just get so frustrated.
Maybe we should just bite the bullet and move.
The problem is that our house is pretty charming. (and more importantly- affordable)
It's 80% custom to exactly how we want it.
Most people think our place is pretty "stylin" but to us it's just that little bit too small.
It's definitely not our dream home- but I guess for now it suits us for the most part.
I can't really imagine ever throwing a big party in the middle of the winter- where would all the coats & boots go?
never mind all the people.
I don't know why I fret over stuff like this- but I do.
so we have yet to really throw a party- with the exception of Lulu's 1st birthday which I think comprised of maybe 16 people.
But who am I kidding- even if we lived in a McMansion, I doubt we would ever really get around to throwing a big party.
Now that Lulu is getting older I'm wondering how to accommodate a house full of kids for her upcoming birthday.
And I feel bad that she can't run around without us constantly saying "be careful!!" worried that she is going to ram into a piece of furniture.
For the past couple of years we've been looking at other places.
Going to open houses etc. but we would have to assume a pretty hefty mortgage if we made the jump.
And I wonder if the stress would really be worth it.
We could move to another more affordable part of the city, but really- I don't think we can bare the thought.
We love it here that much.
I always try to make myself feel better by telling myself that we live a "European" lifestyle.
And really who needs more rooms to clean and look after?
But who ever thought a front hall closet and 2 car parking would be considered a luxury?
Ah the joys of city living...
Both big daddy & I grew up in fairly substantial sized suburban homes, and it's just strange to think that lulu will never know what it's like to play ping-pong in the basement or have a big walk-in closet or heck a big grassy back yard to run around in.
we just had to flag stone the backyard...
oh the guilt...
Sometimes I even wonder if one of the reasons I'm not sure about ever having a second child is because we would most likely have to move.
which really is pretty lame considering the people we bought the house from had two kids (and ended up moving a few doors down- to a slightly bigger house)
I should just be grateful that we have a house (especially these days) and not be so consumed with keeping up with the Joneses.
Which maybe if I am really being honest with myself is what all the angst is all about in the first place.

edited to add- a mere hours after I wrote this, Lulu was running around the dining room table dressed like a fairy and having fun, when she trips on the rug and flies head first into the banister.
There is such limited space in the dining/living area to move- never mind run like a fairy.
she now has a huge dark goose egg in the middle of her sweet face and I just feel even more guilty.
I just wish she had more room to move and play and not for stuff like this to not have to happen.

sweet sweet spring

It really is the simple things...

Oh and since you asked

because everyone needs a good laugh

Recently I decided to go on a bit of a hiatus from watching anything too serious or depressing on television.
Well with the exception of the season finale to E.R. tonight.
I mean George Clooney folks? who can resist?
But other than that, I've been abstaining from the news or anything else too heavy.
Enough about the economy already!!
So as an alternative, I find myself watching the Comedy channel a lot these days.
A few weeks ago I came upon this.
And laughed my ass off.
This guy is so funny.
He definitely has a way of saying what I think many of us are thinking (but could never imagine blurting out in front of a live audience)
Speaking of which, I'd love to go and see some live comedy- something I haven't done in ages.
Then again, I guess I get plenty of chuckles around here at Casa Petitegourmand each day with Lulu coming up with some pretty funny one liners.
And sometimes if I'm really lucky she'll break out into a little physical comedy act by finding one of my bras, putting it on her head and dancing around singing a silly song that she made up called "I'm wearing mommy's boobie caps...lala llaaa laa la!!!"
Now that my friends, is pretty damned funny.
That is until she decides to share her act the next time we have a dinner party.
Oh how could I forget her favourite joke (which I'm pretty sure I've heard somewhere in the neighbourhood of 176 times)
Why did the jellybean go to school?
Why?
He wanted to become a smartie.
Or hey Mommy lets play that rhyming game?
okay sweetie, sounds fun.

Lulu "me first...duck"
me "luck"
Lulu "fuck" said with a smirk.

okie dokie...so I guess she really is a true comedian.

Now THAT is some good comedy non?
Who needs cable?

Where did the dinosaurs go?

Last week we finally took Lulu to the R.O.M. (Royal Ontario Museum) and we were not disappointed.
The space is interesting and we really enjoyed all the exhibits.
Lulu was especially fascinated with all the dinosaurs.
Her wide eyed endless questions were so adorable that I swear I must have taken 100 pictures of her that day, wanting to capture the pure look of awe and wonder in her sweet face.
So many questions though- many of which I didn't have a clue how to answer.
At one point we were all sitting on a bench across from some images depicting an asteroid smashing into earth.
Thus the reason that Barosaurus, Albertosaurus and Tyrannosaurus rex are not roaming up and down Yonge St. today.
So naturally Lulu wanted to know if that killed all the dinosaurs?
And if another asteroid would smash into earth again and kill us humans?
gulp.
how do you answer that honestly, yet not scare the hell out of a very sensitive 3 year old?
These days I find myself coming up with all sorts answers for stuff that I never really thought about.
Kids do that to you.
Make you stop and think about life.
And appreciate the fragility of life.
For some reason Lulu has been extra sensitive over the past few weeks, she doesn't really like it when we are not close to her.
She tends to follow me from one room to the next.
She seems to want just a little extra cuddling and loving and the end of each day.
She gets a bit upset each time I drop her off at school- which is kind of out of character for her.
The other day she said "mommy I wish that you never get old so you won't die"
I told her that I hope I do get old so that I can live a long and happy life and that it's okay to be old (I just wish wrinkles, sagging skin, aches & pains weren't part of the package)
That part of life is death.
All the more important to make the most of every day.
But not to worry because I won't be old for a long long time (okay that was a bit of a stretch- but you have to bend the truth sometimes)
I hope that wasn't too much information for her- but I want to be honest with her- always.
It's just so hard to be when they are so young.
When it comes to questions like hers about life and death I sometimes wish I was more religious.
It is so much easier to imagine fluffy clouds, angels and beautiful golden harps when it comes to that particular topic.
As much as Lulu is growing physically, I am amazed at how much she is emotionally and intellectually changing each and every day.
And while it seems strange that out of the blue she has become a tad clingy and extra sensitive, maybe it's normal.
After-all whenever I'm feeling uncertain about life or the direction it's is going, I always feel comforted after talking to my own mom about "stuff" and no matter how many years go by, a mother's wisdom and love is what really matters.
Even if they really don't have a clue about what really happened to the dinosaurs.

inspiring attitudes

A few months ago I received a special gift in the mail.
At first I wasn't sure who it was from nor exactly what it was.
Then I opened up this beautiful magazine and carefully savoured each and every page.
In fact, some pages actually reduced me to tears.
Such touching stories and such beautiful images.
I am so blown away that someone would do something so kind as to just spontaneously buy a subscription of this magazine out of the blue for us.
Just because.
I love random acts of kindness- but really, how often do they happen?
Not very.
So what a nice unexpected surprise.
These friends are some of the most positive and kind people we know.
Unfortunately, they have had a very very tough year.
Everything from job loss, a house fire, family health scares and sadly even more loss and personal challenges.
But I don't think I have ever heard them complain.
Not once.
On the contrary, they are always so positive and upbeat.
And dare I say- grateful.
For all that they do have.
I am inspired and yet also a little embarrassed, because unlike them I feel like I am the complete opposite.
I always feel like I'm bitching & complaining about something.
It's like the negative Nelly's around here these days.
I'm not sure who is worse big daddy or me.
(I'm thinking Big Daddy)
Why is that I wonder?
Because we have it really really good.
For some reason we are always venting about something or another.
So today I am giving thanks.
Thanks that I have such good & positive people in my life.
Though I don't see them as often as I would like, they inspire me.
You know who you are.
And thank-you for helping me see the everyday....

absence makes the heart grow weaker

Last night Big daddy had tickets to the Hockey Game.
Not that either one of us is a big sports fan, but whatever, it was a night out with friends and the tickets were free and right behind the players bench.
Babysitter arrived, and we were all set to go when the power went out.
Lulu has been ultra sensitive and clingy since we got back from being away and I figured there might be a few tears when we left.
But last night she was inconsolable.
She was really really upset.
Sure the night before she woke up a bunch of times and was probably really overtired.
And she's probably still coming down from all the excitement of last week.
And she she's been pretty much congested or not feeling great for a few weeks now and I'm sure that added to the drama of it all.
But geez the poor little thing was breaking my heart.
She is usually fine when we go out- which admittedly has been pretty infrequent over the winter which I'm sure is a major contributor to the problem.
When we waved at her from the window I could hear the uncontrollable sobs from outside-plus she was holding her little flashlight because there were no lights.
That had to have been scary to a three year old.
I made big daddy pull over half way down the street, so I could phone the Nanny and she if she had stopped crying...sure enough she was still wailing in the background.
I could see if this was the first time we had left her, but it wasn't.
This woman babysits for us often, and lulu loves her. Or so I thought.
After some debate- I decided to go home, and big daddy frantically called up a friend to see if he wanted to go the the leafs game last minute.
I felt really terrible.
A. it would have been the first time alone together big daddy & I have had in ages.
well alone with the exception of a few thousand hockey fans- but still.
B. I had to drive the nanny home and felt so bad that I had to cancel the night on her.
C. that Lulu was so distraught in the first place
and finally I just felt like I caved too easily.
Am I coddling Lulu too much these days?
I'm I screwing her up by not letting her tough it out and becoming more independent?
but in defense of myself- the house was pitch black and I'm sure that must have been terrifying, I'm still getting over a nasty sinus infection, I really don't care for hockey, and okay...I really just wanted to stay home and watch American Idol in my pajamas.
I'm such a loser.
But seriously- when is it okay to just trust your instincts and give in to your child's pleas and when is it not?
I know so many parents that just leave their kids all the time with absolutely no issue whatsoever.
I wish I could be one of them.
Anyone else experience the whole separation anxiety issue?

there's no place like home...

What is it about feeling like you need a holiday after your holiday when you have kids?
I love spending time together as a family- don't get me wrong...but 24/7 for an entire week is a LOT even for the closest of family units.
(especially when you are sharing one hotel room)
and in all fairness we were technically "working".
We had fun though, (despite the sick curse we seem to be never able to get away from) and we packed so much into one week.
I think it's an experience Lulu will remember for a long time, and if she forgets...that's okay because I think we have a few hundred photos we can share with her to jar her memory.
I won't get into too much detail- because well quite frankly I'm too tired to write it all down.
but these were a few of the highlights....

having dinner with Cinderella, prince charming, Griselda, grimelda AND who could forget the evil step mother?


a quick trip around the world at Epcot. My favourite was Morocco.

and lunch in "Japan" Lulu's favourite type of food.

Having lunch at Wilderness lodge, playing on the swings, relaxing under all the pine trees- relieved that the shoot went well, but the best was getting to have a pony ride.

is there anything more fun than a little hula hooping in the middle of Magic Kingdom with your 3 year old?

swimming, swimming and more swimming....

Roasting marshmallows on the beach with big daddy and Lulu's partner in crime- Jamie.
who she had such a blast with all week.

Making sandcastles on the softest, whitest most artifically pleasing beach ever...


they even have dogs at Disney!! Lulu was in heaven.

So all in all it was quite a week, but now it's back to reality- no more Disney magic, no fireworks every hour on the hour or grand parades with all of Disney's finest.
No Mickey & Mini Mouse (who Lulu also got to hang out with, lucky girl- stay tuned if you want to see more in the April Issue of Canadian Family Magazine.)
No more staying up until 11 p.m. (miss Lulu that is) or having a daily dose of sugar, sugar and more sugar.
No more eating out for a while-I must say I did miss my kitchen a little while we were gone.
That's not to say that we didn't have some excellent meals while we were there, it's just that after seven days you start jonesing for a piece of toast and a cup of tea and nothing else.
Just back to the "routine" which, when you get away from it once in a while makes you appreciate it all the more when you get back to it.

it's gonna be a long week

need I say more?

round two

I really didn't want to post about cold & flu season this year since last year I think that's all I ever seemed to go on about.
So I've been trying to not think about the fact that pretty much every other week this entire winter Lulu (or myself or big daddy) has had some sort of a cold or something un-fun and icky.
Last weekend in Miami was unfortunately no exception.
I didn't mention it because I was in denial and trying to focus on the positive aspects of the weekend instead.
But truth be told-Lulu pretty much got a high temp the first night and then the phlegm ensued.
Then it was my turn.
Good times.
So instead of sipping moitos by the pool I was nursing a grande ginger-mint tea from starbucks.
Total drag.
But at least I was under a palm tree- that did help- a bit.
By the time we got home from the weekend Lulu was back to normal.
Surprise surprise.
Timing's a bitch.
We still had a nice time though and I don't want to complain....But I am.
because....once again....
Tomorrow we are flying down south-this time for work/vacation and guess who was up all night burning up with a fever?
Damn.
Are the sick gods mad at us or something?
Why is it every time we try to plan a get away this happens?
I'm slowly getting used to the fact that kids get bugs very quickly and hopefully pass just as fast, so fingers crossed that by tomorrow my little sick bug will be feeling back to her usual sweet self.
But for now she's curled in a ball on the sofa under 3 blankets and still "chilly" eyes all glassy, a few sneezes and coughs and won't let momma out of her sight.
I am usually anxious before travelling at the best of times, then when you add this situation into the mix I find myself desperately looking trough the medicine cabinet for some ativan.
damn...too bad I'm such a naturalist and only have stuff like Camoile, Arnica and St. John's Wart.
So wish me luck that this latest (and seemingly endless) round of whatever it is passes quickly.
deep breaths...ommm....

on a more positive note- I had a lovely time at the second blogger book club meeting at Kgirls' house last night.
so great to be able to chat face to face with all these interesting, smart and funny women and oh yeah..read great books and be able to discuss them.
If you have yet to read The Potato Peel Society, I highly recommend it.
so all is not gloom & doom.
could be worse I could be living on a island occupied by Nazis and nothing to eat but potato peel pie...