well, my last post was a rant about my feelings of melancholy combined with burn-out, caused by lack of sleep mixed with the lack of sunshine.
But it's the weekend and hey looky looky the sun finally decided to make an appearance!
albeit-brief.
and I actually managed to get more than three hours of sleep last night.
our bed was awash in golden sunlight first thing this morning and instead of slowly waking up and snuggling with big daddy on a Saturday morning, I had a little someone pulling my eyelashes open with her tiny fingers (after she finished peeing in our bed)
wtf??
Not exactly the Saturday morning I had been hoping for.
I was sleeping so deeply last night that I barely remember big daddy bringing lulu into our room at around 1 a.m.
she totally has him wrapped around her finger.
well that and the endless blood curdling screaming kinda worked.
anyhow I snoozed, despite our uninvited sleeping companion and actually managed to get some much needed zzz's.
Regardless of the premature wake-up call, I felt rested and ready to do a bit of baking.
So I whipped up a walnut buttermilk coffee cake for some friends that were coming over in the afternoon.
I also put together some roasted red pepper, pesto & walnut chicken salad sandwiches.
It's really much more fun cooking for four than it is for two.
So mr & mrs dustbunny and their ubber cute little boy Sammy came over for some lunch and some laughs.
The peroni beer didn't hurt.
funny how the lack of regular sleep and crazy pace of being a parent makes you a total lightweight.
Oh so nice to catch a wee bit of a buzz on just one beer in the middle of the afternoon.
So lulu is totally smitten by little sammy and totally loves him.
Who could blame her though? Little s is really such a sweet little guy.
those dimples, those eyes, that smile...
hell I'm smitten.
But the lack of sleep the previous night for lulu and lack of nap was starting to show toward the end of the day.
she was getting a bit on the diva side.
but we figured, oh well no nap today, that means she will probably go down early tonight and sleep straight through the night.
ah, no.
there was plenty of screaming and crying tonight.
In fact I think she has been screaming for approx. 4 hours now.
big daddy and I keep taking turns sitting with her and rocking her.
the second we put her in the crib-
whhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Are we horrible parents?
should we have forced her to nap today even though she didn't want to because we had friends over and was excited?
I know, kids need their sleep, and I really don't think Lulu is getting enough of it, but should we put our entire life on hold?
I was trying to be patient, rocking, singing, kissing..
but I actually got to a point tonight where I raised my voice and got really pissed at her.
I mean really pissed.
I know big daddy was feeling the same.
now I feel really guilty.
She's still so tiny, and was just totally over tired.
oh the guilt.
were we really angry because she totally ruined a perfectly good porcini crusted tenderloin with a Cab Merlot reduction with a side of roasted asparagus?
or that as a couple it is next to impossible to have an uninterrupted conversation?
or that it feels as though we have next to no quiet down time?
or for that matter...if I'm going to be frank...sex?
like..EVER?
I love lulu more than life, but sometimes enough is enough.
If she ever complains about being an only child, she really only has herself to blame.
kidding..well sort of.
oh lord, one more week and it will be official.
the terrible two's.
gulp.
despite all of this she is still over the top adorable and the love of our lives (what's left of them) and I wouldn't trade any of this for anything.
well, maybe just a night..no, make that 24 hours..of just being me.
or even better getting the chance to be a couple.
because as much as I miss being me, I miss making out.
holding hands.
snuggling.
having a deep uninterrupted conversation.
s....
you catch my drift.
whew, she finally fell asleep and it's still only 10 o'clock..
the sad part is that now we are both too tired to even brush our teeth never mind...
you catch my drift.
9 comments:
sex....
...what's that? Check out my most recent entry to see how sexy i'm feeling today.
This woman I know said to me that if I don't make the time, my man would find it elsewhere...as if he isn't as exhausted as I am.
I felt like telling her that her comment was more of a reflection on the strength of her marriage than mine.
I still have faith that once we finally get the kids out of our bed, we will have a few good years before we have to bring the little blue pill into bed with us :-)
Here's to the good fight, may we all make out on a regular basis again some day!!!
oh that three letter word...how i miss it so..yet i don't even miss it in a way because i'm so damn tired. i don't 'get' the people who still manage to get lots of it when they've got young kids. i need to know the secret.
as for the whole sleep issue. i've said it before, it sucks. i think around lulu's age it's more an issue of them not wanting to miss anything, getting overly tired quickly, teething, growth spurts, and getting into a habit of waking really really quickly. it won't be forever. do what you have to do to cope...let her miss her nap once in a while if you want to when you guys are having fun, bring her into bed...do what you have to do.
i want to come to your house for lunch...everything looks soooooo good. any recipes? maybe you are writing a book...let me know when it's published!
This post sounds so much like me. I actually made brownies on Friday night since it was just me and Samantha. I'm posting the recipie on Mommyblogs Toronto. Although who am i kidding your cooking puts me to shame!!!
And yes we are going through the same issues here with sleep and missing your old life and yes the sex issue. Frustrating.
My only consolation is that I know it will get better eventually and these days will almost be forgotten, but not quite thanks to our blogs!!!
hang in there and just remember all that you're feeling is the same as other moms all around you!!
Saturday night fever ... I so get this. Lately its been me and my 5 year old in one bed and Mr. Good Taste in another. Romantic. Sigh.
Oh and that cake looks so yummy. If we were roommates I'd be 900 pounds!
I always feel like a complete failure when i yell at my children. But I am not. You are not.
You are human. Forgive yourself.
I remember the first and not the last time I yelled at my girls, well, it was bigirl cause she came first, and she was the WORST sleeper. Make me a meal and I'll tell ya all about it.
Anyhoooo. Lulu will get over it. you will have sex again. sort of. on the fly quick sex. and that can be fun as well.
How about getting a sitter during the day and checking into a hotel for an afternoon? Then a nice meal?
Just ideas I'm throwing out there is all....
I can relate. Big time. I have yelled at Lucy..I mean really yelled...a couple of times in the past 3 years out of sheer frustration and I have never forgotten the moments. It sucks. But you are human and life happens and no one is perfect. Remember, all you have to do is your best. Lulu is so lucky to have you.
Don't feel guilty. It's only the lack of sleep. Sleep is so important to everyone's sense of well being. My 22 month old is also beginning to resist naps. On those occasions, I try to do almost anything to get him to nap(walks in the stroller or a short car ride). Once he falls asleep, I just admire how sweet and adorable he is. Hopefully, tonight she will sleep through the night.
The first time I yelled at my now three-year-old I dropped her off at daycare and when they asked why we were late I burst into tears because I felt so terrible. A friend says we should celebrate our wonderful imperfectness...
As for sex, our two little ones (and the littlest is a lulu like yours) seems to have radar and the moment we're in sync and in the mood either in comes the oldest or the youngest starts wailing. And the moments we're both in the mood and not exhausted are so few and far between that the kiddus interuptus seems like an evil plot from on high.
And yeah, I love them to bits, but sometimes I would kill to just be me, only for a day or two...
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