new year resolutions

The other day I decided to make a list of all the things I would like to accomplish in 2009.
I came up with twenty or so personal goals.
Perhaps a tad overly ambitious- but I like goals, however unrealistic they might be.
Like for example, watch less T.V.
I say it every year, but I get sucked in time and time again.
I love my high definition idiot box, I can't help it, and sometimes it's nice to just zone out in front of the tube.
While channel surfing the other night, I came across Long Road Down with Ewan McGregor on the National Geographic channel.
It's The Long Road Down marathon this week and I'm hooked.
Did I mention that it's about Ewan McGregor?
I just can't seem to get enough of that foxy Scottish accent, baby blue eyes and that infectious laugh...did I mention that Ewan is in it?
oh and it's also about motorcycles and driving from Scotland to South Africa...and Ewan McgorgeousFreakin'Gregor!
What can I say it's been a long week and Big Daddy is away.
I wonder if he would find it weird if I asked him to talk with a Scottish accent when he gets home.
On a more serious note.
Here's a few others that I thought I would share.
#1. Stop Feeling Guilty.
I don't know what it is about being a mother, but I feel like I am drowning in guilt some days.
I am endlessly "should-ing" on myself and I need to get over this.
Like for example today.
I feel soooo guilty that Lulu is lonely and bored- her exact words.
Big daddy is away in NYC and I'm flying solo. Most of her friends are away on holidays and we have really been spending far too much time at home together.
I know, I know I should embrace this time together, but both of us are getting kind of squirrelly and more than once I lost my cool with her today.
She just wanted to play, I just wanted to have an hour to myself.
I actually tried to sit and write this morning but after the 22nd MOOOOMMMMYYYYY can you come play with me??? I gave up.
So far she has only called me twice....thank-you Blockbuster.
But I feel absolutely terrible, she's just a kid and the fact that she's an only child makes me feel even worse. She really is starting to get the concept that she doesn't have any siblings and she's not too thrilled about it.
The other night she started crying out of the blue with genuine tears of sadness and said "I wish I had a sister, then she could sleep in a bunk bed with me and we would talk and I would never never interrupt you & daddy"
Oh I'll just have a huge helping of guilt on a platter, oh and a side of extra guilt please.
sheesh.
I felt absolutely heartbroken.
Some days I feel guilty that maybe I'm paying too much attention to Lulu and other times not enough.
I can't seem to win.
But the bottom line is that I really need to get over the guilt.
We have made certain choices and I just need to focus on all the positive things we are doing for Lulu and not the negative-like losing my temper and dropping the F-bomb in front of her...oh the shame....
I think this will be by far the most challenging goal for 2009.
# 2. Having a more positive attitude
Speaking of making a change and being more positive....There is always room for improvement in this department for me.
I really need to start seeing the glass as half full instead of the other way around. Sure I find it much easier to do when it's warm & sunny outside and when everyone is happy and healthy. But sometimes you can't control everything in life and you just have to roll with the punches.
So basically I'm going to try to stay focused on being positive even if it's minus 20 outside and I have "assisted" lulu with blowing her nose 36 times in one day and I have complete and utter cabin fever. Stay positive...
At least we have a nice warm cozy house to live in right?
and let's not forget the wine in the cupboard and the vodka in the freezer....
#3. Overcoming Fear.
I don't know when exactly I became a overprotective, neurotic, nervous nelly but it has to stop.
I never seem to want to plan things (especially vacations) since last year. Sure the first half of 2008 was spent unable to fly- due to the unfortunate ruptured eardrum situation...but cummon...I really need to just get back on that travel horse and book a trip.
Pronto.
We NEED a family vacation, and also a trip alone- just big daddy & I.
My parents can handle a few days with Lulu she'll be fine...I turned out okay right???
Okay maybe we'll just start with the family vacation...kidding..well, semi-kidding..
I worry far too much.
Must.book.vacation.
#4. get to know myself again.
In the past few years I really have forgotten how to just let go and have fun (see above re: worried/paranoid/crazy/momma)
I used to be so carefree and loved to socialize. I was a complete social butterfly. I had a great sense of adventure and really loved to have a good time. Somewhere along the line, I lost that person a bit and I really want to find her again.
#5. Be More Grateful.
I have written about this on more than one occasion, but I have plenty to be grateful for. I need to remind myself of these things each and everyday.
My beautiful, funny and a little too smart for her own good daughter Lulu.
My loyal, respected and very hard working husband.
My good friends who I wish I spent more time with and hopefully in 2009 I will. (you know who you are ;)
My health...oh sure there are a few more colds to contend with now that we have a little germ magnet in the house, but on the grand scheme of things we are very healthy and for that I am very grateful.
And..well...you...my fellow bloggers.
Its been quite a journey and I have come to depend on the camaraderie and laughs I get from the Internet. who knew?
but for that I am very grateful and that I have a voice that's being heard in some capacity.
So that's my top 5 picks for my new year's resolutions.
What about you? what are your goals for 2009?

Oh and Happy New Year!

happy ho ho

I'm happy to report that everyone feels human and much much more healthy today.
Amazing what a good night sleep can do.
So Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah or in our case Christmahkkah or whatever you celebrate.
I hope your day is filled with fun & family. (and definitely good health)

O christmas tree O christmas tree....

Every year I try my best to get into the Christmas spirit.
I put seasonal decorations around the house.

Lulu & I start baking Christmas cookies around the second week of December.

not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...
I record all the Christmas specials like Frosty, The Grinch and Rudolph and snuggle up and watch them with Lulu or more accurately get stuff done around the house while she's engrossed in the shows.
I pour over countless cooking magazines and cookbooks and try to come up with delectable menus for the holidays.
I listen to Holiday music though out most of the month of December.
But for some reason I just can't get into it no matter how hard I try.
It's no secret in my family that Christmas isn't one of my favourite holidays.
Too much expectation, too busy, the stores are too crowded and well quite frankly, I am sick every single f'ing Christmas!
Either the week before or during.
It never fails.
Once again, this year is no exception.
Lulu & big daddy were down with the flu last week and the week before, now it's my turn.
Surprise surprise.
So no fancyshmancy holiday parties or holiday cheer for me this weekend and it really sucks.
It's not like I wasn't expecting to get sick, it's just that I thought, maybe, just maybe this would be the year I would get lucky.
Plus I've been pumping vitamin C like nobodies business.
In addition to my bah-humbugness we skipped putting up a tree this year.
Yup. no tree for us.
I know I'm terrible, and I know that a large vase with pine branches doesn't really count- in defense, it does look quite lovely.
But Big daddy has never been a fan of having a Christmas tree- fair enough- he is Jewish after-all.
And he did indulge me last year by putting up a huge tree that took up most of the real estate in the dining/living room.
So I really can't complain.
But I just feel like I am depriving Lulu a bit.
So far she really doesn't seem to care or has yet to mention anything, but still..
At least we have stockings, and we have been playing a little game with her all month to get her excited about the holidays.
We knock on the front door and let her answer and we leave a wrapped gift there for her each week from the "elfarazzi"
That's what we call Santa's elves that seem to get mysterious pictures of her when shes not looking.
These particular elves have been assigned to her and watching to make sure she's been bad or good and they provide Santa with photographic evidence....
anyhoo..
This week she got a new Sled from those sneaky little elves.
She was freaking out and over the top excited- which was so fun to watch.
Quite honestly it's nice to spread things out a bit so it's not toy overload on the 25th.
And with the huge dumping of show we got yesterday, that sled sure will come in handy.
Those elves have such good timing..

So I'm not sure if I'll post this or not, because let's face it- who wants to listen to the rantings of a scrooge.
But fingers crossed that by the 24th I'll be feeling jolly.
fahla laa laa la la la.
Maybe this will help get me in the mood..
or not.

ho ho double ho

hmmm....Santa #1


Or Santa #2....

I'll take Santa #1
So we made our annual pilgrimage the the 5th floor of the Bay downtown to see Lulu's favorite bearded jolly fellow.
Once again, no line ups, no hassle and Mrs.Claus was even there to help Lulu hop up on Santa's lap.
He is the real deal folks.
I'm sure of it.
I could just sense an aura of Christmas magic in the air.
Or maybe that was just all the cheap perfume being sprayed in our direction while passing the fragrance department.
Those women are ruthless I tell you.
Um gee that's okay- I don't really want a free sample of Eau de Old lady, thankyouverymuch.
And why must they always spray it in your face?
Its like dodging bullets trying to get out of that department unscathed.
But I digress...
Santa remembered Lulu from last year and the year before that.
I have all the pictures to compare and I swear, he hasn't aged one iota.
He has to be the real Santa- has to be I tell you.


you be the judge..

on comet, on cupid

Last weekend we went to riverdale farm for a little holiday celebration.
There were cute crafts, music and cookies and the big man in red was there too.
He was a bit of a ghetto Santa.
His suit looked like it was in serious need of a dry cleaning, his beard was more gray than white and kind of hanging off of his face...but Lulu didn't seem notice.
She just handed him her list- which was a piece of paper with a bunch of squiggles and some puppy stickers on it.
Told him all she really wanted was a puppy- but not a real one because she's not 5 yet.
So it will have to be a "stuffing" one.
Then asked him if his reindeers could talk?
And if Comet was from outer-space?
g-d I love that kid.

time keeps on tickin tickin tickin'

Into the future.....
Steve Miller said it best.
I know it's such a cliche, but man does time ever fly.
It's like yesterday was Halloween and now it's practically Christmas!
How did that happen so fast?
It feels like just yesterday I was raking the beautiful fall leaves and now I'm shovelling snow.
well...not me exactly...that's kind of big daddy's thing.
He actually likes to shovel (or use his new kick ass snow blower) we are now officially everyone on our street's new best friend.
But as I was saying, why is it that time seems to go so much faster when you have kids?
Lately I'm feeling so old.
My hands are dry and cracked (endless hand washing that still doesn't seem to stop the never ending round of colds & flu's around here)
The wrinkles are starting to show around the ol' eyes and forehead.
Okay that's it- no more laughing or smiling....
My body feels stiff and achy.
I'm a pretty fit gal if I do say so myself, but lately it hurts when I get up in the morning.
One day it's my lower back, then my shoulder, or something...it always seems to be something.
True I haven't been to the gym in almost 2 weeks (see above re: colds & flu's) and no stretching or yoga starts to take a toll- so I only have myself to blame.
But it's just another cruel reminder that I'm no spring chicken.
And what the hell is it going to be like 10 years from now? or 20!!? I don't even want ot think about 30.
I always pictured myself as being a senior that plays tennis, travels, goes on long hikes, swims-does it all.
My Mother in law just turned 70 yesterday and I thought, gosh that could be me 30 years from now.
She does none of the things I just mentioned.
In fact she had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital a few weeks ago because she couldn't move.
It was nothing too serious, just bad arthritis and unfortunately a fairly sedentary lifestyle.
Then again, if I had raised 4 boys I think I would be pretty damned sedentary too.
But it's kind of freaky knowing that in a mere 30 years I'll be a senior.
g-d willing that I make it that far...and hopefully further.
Yikes...don't even want to think that far ahead.
So all the more reason to embrace each and every day.
Smooch the heck out of Lulu while shes so small and delicious.
Hug Big daddy more even if it hurts to move my arms in an upward motion.
Seize the day so to speak.
On that note-I'm going to get my stiff achy butt to the gym, because I really want to be able to fly like and eagle or strut like a rooster at the very least.

Oh and speaking of getting old- I really want to see this over the holidays.

wishful thinking

It's no secret that Lulu is in love with Charlie Brown.
Well not exactly Charlie Brown...she thinks he's a bit of a whiner, but she loves Linus, Schroeder and of course- Snoopy.
Specifically the way Snoopy throws down on an ice rink.
I just picked up a new pair of skates for Lulu, and I was going to wait until Christmas to give them to her, but who can wait that long?
Yesterday she was staring longingly at this frozen pond and asked if "we could go have a little skate mama?"
"pleeeeease?" for added effect.
Who could say no to that?
So guess what I'm doing today?

This was taken last year for Canadian Family Magazine (on newsstands now)
Let's just hope the new skates help to improve my little Dorothy Hamill.
Geez..talk about a pain in the back.
I don't think I stood up straight for over two hours.
ah but it was worth it.

birthday blahs

Well, another year has come and gone.
Not sure what relevance this image has with regard to my 38th birthday-but I didn't have anything else to sum up what turning 38 means to me.
Or the words really.
I will say that it went much faster than any year so far.
A pretty uneventful day, and fairly uneventful year for me.
Just coasting along in life, getting one step closer to the big 4-0. Gulp.
At least I'm not the only one getting older.
today
Actress Daryl Hannah is 48.
Actress Julianne Moore is 48.
Actor Brendan Fraser is 40.
and
Singer Ozzy Osbourne is 60.

I wonder what Ozzy is doing to celebrate tonight?
And I can't believe he made it to 60...