seven years ago

It's hard to believe that seven years ago today, I was rolling around on a Pilate's ball, trying to breathe and naively thinking "that this isn't that terrible, I can have this baby right here in the comfort of my own home".
"I can do it!"
"It can't be too much longer now."
Little did I know, that after almost 24 hours of being in labour at home, that I would be begging for some serious pain meds, barfing into a recycling bin in the hallway of a hospital in the middle of the night and swearing at a student doctor sipping his Starbucks while I was in what you would call a very "vulnerable position".
Something about "who the F. let Doogie Howser in here?" and "Get him the F. out NOW!!!!!"
That part I don't really remember because by that time the epidural had worn off.

All the while I was pleading with big daddy to PLEASE  PLEASE not ever make me do this again.
He kept that promise.
I guess I'm far too wimpy to do that craziness all over again.
I hate to admit that it's definitely one of the perks of having an only child.
At least I won't ever have to go down that road again.
Thank-you Jesus.

But 36 excruciating and exhausting hours later, it was all so so worth it.
I had a tiny bundle of healthy perfection in my arms.
Well technically she wasn't put in my arms right away since she had a bit of trouble breathing on her own at first.
Big daddy wanted to stay with me (north of the border for the record) but I told him to quickly go to Lulu and make sure she was okay.
She was.
Thank G-D.
Once I finally got to hold her, my first words were "oh my g-d...she's a a a Human!"
Umm duh..
I was delirious, what can I say?
And I know it's such a cliche, but I would do it all over in a heart beat.

But whoever said that you eventually forget the pain, is such a liar.


So here we are, seven years later.
I can barely believe that Lulu was once even a tiny baby.
It really feels like a life time ago already.
She is so mature and such an old soul and she is constantly surprising us with her stories and ideas.
This year has been especially amazing.
I know, I say this every year.
But it truly has.
I love being her mother more than I can ever put into words.
I have to admit though, I'm happy that she hasn't changed physically too much since last year.
She's already practically up to my shoulder!
Can't have her towering over me before grade 3..
Much to her dismay, she still hasn't lost any baby teeth.
Not even a wiggler.
I'm for one am glad she still has all her perfect little baby teeth.
The poor thing went through hell getting her them in the first place, might as well enjoy them for as long as possible.
And just wait until we get to the training bra stage- if she's anything like me she'll be the last in that department as well.
Lucky girl.

She's also still wearing a size 13 shoe just like this time last year.
This is a good thing, because I went a little crazy buying her shoes.
So many cute ballet flats for girls these days!
Don't even get me started on all the cute clothes.
Bonus that she completely lets me pick things for her to wear.
In fact she usually loves what I choose.
I so hope this lasts until she's at least 21.

But her sense of self and who she is, has come so far in just one year.
She really knows what she likes and what she doesn't.
Her awareness and sensitivity towards others always leaves me feeling so proud of her.

Seven.
Wow I have a seven year old. (or at least I will by 3:28 tomorrow afternoon)
It's sad to say good bye to yet another year.
And boy, do they slip away faster and faster the older she gets.
But I am looking forward to watching her continue to blossom & grow, just like the tree in our back yard.
I love that it flowers on her birthday every year.
Because she really is my special flower.

Happy Birthday Lulu.
I love you so very much.

Mama xo