Wednesday, November 30, 2011

spilling the beans

It's hard to believe it's already the end of November!
I'm still sneaking Lulu's Halloween stash after she's gone to bed each night..
Must throw that crap out once and for all.
Time to make room for the candy cane ice cream and Christmas cookies.

November really was a bit of a blur.
So much happening, so little time to sit down and blog.

But all is well and life is good.
Lulu had her first official report card and we were pretty pleased with her teacher's comments and her over all results in school.
Shockingly there were no comments about her being too talkative (like her dad & I were) in class.
On the contrary, she puts up her hand and is always eager to please the teacher.
So much so that she has a very strong sense of justice.
She likes to play by the rules and gets very frustrated when her peers do not.
Sometimes a bit too frustrated.
Lord let this continue though her teens..

She also keeps me up to speed on who's doing what and who got in trouble each day.
Which of course I completely encourage.
As long as it's not her, I'm happy.

So yesterday, while walking home from school, her and another girl from the neighbourhood were clowning around as her mom and I made small talk while trying to get them to get a move on so we could get home.
They were playing with some sticks they found on the ground.
Eventually we got home and Lulu decided to tell me something that this girl had said to her.
Apparently she whispered to Lulu "let's scratch the cars parked on the street with our sticks" and "let's spit on our moms"
I did hear Lulu say "no we'll get in big trouble."
And that's when we parted ways.

So when she told me about it, I thanked her for being so honest and told her that it wasn't acceptable behaviour in the least.
Even if they didn't actually do it, even joking about it is wrong and not funny at all.
She agreed and said that's why she decided to tell me in the first place.
I'm glad she gets that.

Now if Lulu said something like that I'd want to know about it.
No question.
So today I ran into this girls mother and told her what Lulu had told me and her reaction was well.....complete denial.
I was a bit taken aback actually.
She basically said that there was no way her daughter would say something like that and practically accused Lulu of lying.
I was pretty pissed.
If someone came to me and casually said you might want to know something that Lulu said out of your ear shot, my reaction would be "really? I'm floored that she would say something like that, it's a bit out of character but I will definitely be speaking to her about it later." and "thanks so much for letting me know."
Then I would go home and have a pity party and wonder what I've done wrong to have my daughter thinking that spitting on me would be remotely funny.
But that's just me.
And for the record, I'm 99.9% sure Lulu would never say or do anything like that.
She's not perfect, but she is a pretty respectful kid.
This girl on the other hand is a bit on the unpredictable side, so quite frankly I wasn't surprised at all.

But now I kind of regret telling her mother about it.
I didn't make a big deal out of it and tried to be as nonchalant as possible, but still.
Like I said, I'd want to know.
I am so annoyed by her reaction.
Should I have said nothing?
what would you have done?


Lynn said...

This is a tough one - so many parents are super sensitive and any comments like this are taken as criticism of their entire parenting approach. Unless it's a very good friend, it's hard to broach the subject in a way that will be well received.

I once read that a father with teenagers told them that the rules for telling were a) someone doing something illegal, or b) someone in danger of being hurt. Otherwise, he was willing to let them have their hijinks/mistakes/dramas without him knowing about it. I like this rule - and maybe it would apply to something like this. If no one was in danger of being physically hurt - then talk to your own daughter about right and wrong and how to handle it, then let it slide.

petite gourmand said...

Lynn great points thank-you.
I do agree.
Next time I'm saying nothing.

However, I do know this mother really well, they've been to our house for dinner and the girls have had play dates many times.
She is on the sensitive side, but I thought she would want to know.
She is an uber helicopter mom.
Like I said I would want to now, especially at age 6.
down the road I probably own't to so eager to hear every inappropriate thing Lulu has said.

she actually called me last night and said that her daughter admitted that she did say those things.
And didn't mean to imply that Lulu was lying.

But to be honest I really wish I hadn't said anything at all.
Most of my other friends wouldn't think of it as a big deal, it takes a village so to speak, but maybe I should have said nothing.
I guess it's too late now.

Hopefully I don't end up finding frozen spit on my jacket one of these days or my car paint scratched with a stick.
Maybe it would serve me right....