Friday, May 30, 2008

Friday, May 23, 2008


Lately Lulu has been totally cracking me up.
She has a really good sense of humour and really loves a good audience.
well sometimes.
the other day we were out and about and as per usual someone was staring and smiling at her.
she looks up at me and says "um mama...(I love when she calls me mama) I really don't like when people look at me"
then later that same day when someone else was looking and smiling at her she announces "I'm really cute".
all-righty then.
While on a bathroom break I was um..reminding her to well...wipe her "tutu".
For some reason we have always referred to her girl bits as her tutu.
Not sure why, as it certainly did cause some confusion when picking out her ballet outfit this fall...but anywho....
She corrects me and says "mommy it's not a tutu it's a she-nis"
okey dokey.
Last night after eating a nice big bowl of bean soup she told me that she had a bit of "gasoline" in her tummy and she might have to toot.
oy vey.
Some of her other phrases are "daddy shOOO!" or "mommy shOOO!" which usually lands her on the naughty step.
Or "mommy I'm full, I think I've had plenty"
I love when she says things like plenty, I apologize, oh dear! and that's lovely.
It's so cute hearing her say such grown up expressions in her sweet little voice.

In other happenings...
While watching the season finale to American Idol the other night, I recorded it so I wouldn't have to watch the commercials.
Just like last year.
Then right at the end when Ryan Seacreast says "and the winner of American Idol is David......" the recording stopped!
I can't believe it happened again.
same thing last year.
But such a tease seeing as he got as far as the first name.
I loved that performance with David A. and One republic.
I can't get that song out of my head.
It's too late to apologize......lal laalllaaaaaa
I'm officially going to try to watch less T.V. now.
Summer is too short to spend it in front of the boob tube.
Well with the exception of So You Think You Can Dance.
Love love love that show..

We all survived yet another bout of the sickies.
Big daddy had a bad sinus infection topped off with allergies.
Lulu also had a cold all week and felt like crap, but was a trooper.
And bonus- now that's she's three can actually take better cold medication that really helped her through the night time.
Me. well I have been fighting off a cold all week.
I think I have done it.
At first sign of that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat I got my ass to my homey. doctor and had a round of acupuncture and got some herbs astragalus, oclonopsis, reishi, borage b, pau daro & ligustruim.
Tastes like hell, but I really think it's doing the trick.
who knows, maybe it's all mind over matter, but I'm going with it because it seems to be working for me so far.

So that's it for now.
There's lots more going on, but I will post about it later.
I'm burning through my me time (while Lulu is nursery school) and I haven't worked out in a few weeks and I'm in desperate need of a good sweat.
Until then, have a great weekend and hopefully it's warm enough to kick back and soak up a bit of sunshine.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

may day

Hard to believe we are already over half way through May.
Such a busy month filled with birthdays (happy belated big daddy), mother's day and lots of catching up with friends that we haven't seen in ages.
Still quite a few that we are missing and are really looking forward to seeing over the summer ( you know who you are )
On top of our regular routine I started shooting the HGTV show I worked on last year.
looks like I wasn't a complete loser on t.v. as they asked me to do five more episodes this season.
So I've been back on set with the crew from last summer and really enjoying it.
Such a nice group of people that I really loved working with.
The only thing is coming up with an entirely new wardrobe.
I need about 4-5 outfits per episode.
If you are as bad at math as me, that's almost 25 outfits!
Seeing as I'm the senior "stylist" they have to be half decent.
can't look too schleppy on tv.
Unfortunately I can't get any freebies so I may end up breaking even by then end of the summer.
Ah well...
I have to admit, it is fun to shop for things other than yoga pants and old navy tee's and the other practical park necessities.
so that's what I've been up to.
well in addition to trying to soak in all the beautiful spring flowers, blossoms and the vivid chartreuse green leaves on the trees.
I absolutely love this time of year, don't you?

oh and thank-you for all the great advice and comments on my last post.
very much appreciated and most helpful in easing my guilty conscience.

Friday, May 09, 2008

the devil wears pablum

Maybe that's not such a nice title....
(it's in reference to that cute bib she's wearing actually)
Lulu was far from a little devil as a baby.
In fact, she was quite the opposite.
We would literally be stopped on the street all the time and people would comment on her angelic face.
They still do.
Then again, maybe that's every baby? who knows.
I do know that as much as I enjoyed every minute of her while she was an infant the one thing that weighed heavily on my mind was always -Is this it?
Will she be our only child?
Should we just keep it at one?
Will this be the only time I rock a tiny baby to sleep at night?
Or the last time I get to hold a tiny body in my arms and watch her sleep?
I still feel that way.
I wish I just had the answer and could just move on and totally and completely embrace every part of raising an only child.
But the guilt. Oh the guilt.
I figured I would know by this point.
She's three now, already there would be at least a four year gap.....
But neither big daddy or I are feelin' it.
not even say 40% wanting a second.
For a variety of reasons.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if down the road will we have regrets?
Will Lulu be lonely?
Are we terrible parents by not wanting to do it all over again?
I have a brother- yet he lives on the other side of the planet, we never talk and for sure it will be me who will be looking out for our parents as they get older.
I have no problem with that, it's just that there really are no guarantees.
Then again, big daddy has three brothers and is quite close with...well actually only one of them.
okay...then there's my dad.
he has two sisters and well...actually he barely speaks to them.
Okay my mom.
She has seven bothers and sisters and they are all super close.
well all but one. but that's pretty good odds.
Oh what to do...
Last week I decided to finally take a little me time and book a facial.
Five minutes into the facial the esthetician asked me if I had any children.
"yes- one three year old daughter"
" are you planning on having more?"
"still not are pretty content with our little family of three"
"oh...don't just have one. I'm an only child, I'm divorced and my family is back in Romania and it's so lonely. I was always sad as a kid and wished I had a sibling tsk..tsk"
so my 60 minute relaxation facial was anything but.
I felt guilty during the entire thing.
So I'm going on a bit but it has to be the number one thing that I stress about.
I wish I didn't.
Every time I see siblings together or read about them and how wonderfully they get along I get an intense pang of guilt.
I just want a crystal ball to tell me if it will be okay to just keep things as they are or to take the plunge?
Then again, I am being a bit presumptuous.
Sometimes these things really are not in our hands.
I am 37 after-all.
And as an aside a very good friend just suffered a particular loss that illustrates how fragile life really is and how sometimes you don't have total control over these types of choices.
So really there are no guarantees.
Well except that tomorrow I'll still be stressing about this decision.

Friday, May 02, 2008

vitamin C-assage

I like to eat a healthy diet.
Especially after being so ill all winter.
I'm way more conscious about what I put into my body, and I've become a bit paranoid about getting sick again.
In fact, I feel like I'm always worried about Lulu or myself catching something-to the point where I feel like something is always lurking around every corner.
Is this normal?
now that I'm a mother am I supposed to be paranoid about colds and bugs?
I'll be reading a blog and hear about someone being sick and start panicking..."is there something going around the city again??"
This isn't rational is it?
I try to be in the moment as much as possible but I find myself thinking "what if lulu gets sick next week and I'm working on a job?"
I don't really have the type of job that I can call in sick to.
It's made me so reluctant to take on extra projects or make plans actually.
But that's life I guess.
It's by far the biggest challenge (for me) about being a parent.
The worry.
But originally I was going to write about food.
Which always seems to pacify any anxiety I might be feeling.
Seriously, one bite of chocolate and all my worries seem to melt away.
Needless to say I've been on a bit of a chocolate bender these past few days.
Aside from chocolate there are other food favorites that always seem to make me feel better, like this.
pass the sausage please and the vitamin C, D and E.