Monday, March 30, 2009

dream weaver

I love a good dream.
I especially love when I can actually recall what I dreamt about in the first place.
Every morning without fail Lulu comes bouncing into our room around 6:45, climbs into bed with us and without taking a breath proceeds to tell me what her dreams were about.
Or if I'm really lucky-before my eyes are even open, asks me what I dreamt about-or more accurately- was currently dreaming about.
She has some real doosies let me tell you.
I have to admit, sometimes they kind of freak me out.
last night she dreamt that "big daddy's hand was all red....I think he cut it with a knife"
is that normal for a 3 year old?
Shouldn't she be dreaming about things like fairies, kittens and cotton candy at this age?
But in all fairness, maybe I put the fear of god into her when she reached up into the kitchen knife drawer a few weeks ago and I kind of told her that if she did that again, that she could cut her fingers off.
I was just trying to be affective.
It is filled with a dozen or so very sharp Globals after-all.
Sometimes a little drama goes along way...

A few weeks ago (st. Patrick's day) I had a dream about an old high school friend's dad.
His name being Patrick.
I haven't thought about or seen him in years.
But for some reason he popped into my subconscious.
I just found out the other day that he had passed away.
I find it so strange that he would have appeared in my thoughts out of the blue like that...shudder...

Last night I dreamt about some friends I haven't seen in over 15 years.
I dreamt that they had a dog kennel with hundreds of dogs.
last time I saw them, they had one very sweet Black Lab named Ryker, so I have no idea what that was all about.
I hope Ryker is okay.
But now I'm wondering why, after all these years would they just pop into my dreams?
should I look them up and find out what's up?
But they weren't really good friends, so maybe that would be strange.
"Hi Maryanne & Neil, it's me thepetitegourmand...I know we haven't spoken in over 15 years, but I was just's your dog?"
Okay that would be weird.

Anyhow It's got me thinking.
What are dreams exactly?
and what do they really mean?
and that I am just SO SO happy that I have re-entered the point in my life that I am able to sleep long enough to have lots of deep dreams.

Now if I could just conjure up a little "dream" about oh say...maybe Ewan McGregor, Robert Pattinson or the new very hot fitness instructor at my gym (but that's a whole other post)
Now those would be some dreams worth remembering.

Monday, March 23, 2009

home is sort of where the heart is

I can hardly believe we've been in our house for over 5 years already.
It seems like just yesterday when we moved to our neighbourhood and could not stop smiling for months each time we had to walk around the corner to all the fantastic shops or walk through the neighbourhood admiring all the beautiful old homes.
I would have to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming.
Do I really live here?
It was a big change from our previous "hood" and I don't think we have really stopped smiling come to think of it.
It's such a great part of the city.
Close to everything, safe, very family friendly, yet still urban and interesting.
There is tons of green space in the area with lots of parks and huge tree lined streets.
Minimal crime, very pretty homes which for the most part, people really seem to look after with a strong sense of house pride.
We often joke and call it pleasantville.
But when we originally moved in, we kind of figured it would be our 5-7 year home.
Eventually wanting to move into something a little bigger.
See our house is probably one of the smallest in the neighbourhood.
Sure it's cute, but every time I walk Lulu to school I can't help but to stare longingly at every other house on our street.
I try to not get too depressed and keep reminding myself how lucky we are to be even in such a lovely neighbourhood, but some days I just get so frustrated.
Maybe we should just bite the bullet and move.
The problem is that our house is pretty charming. (and more importantly- affordable)
It's 80% custom to exactly how we want it.
Most people think our place is pretty "stylin" but to us it's just that little bit too small.
It's definitely not our dream home- but I guess for now it suits us for the most part.
I can't really imagine ever throwing a big party in the middle of the winter- where would all the coats & boots go?
never mind all the people.
I don't know why I fret over stuff like this- but I do.
so we have yet to really throw a party- with the exception of Lulu's 1st birthday which I think comprised of maybe 16 people.
But who am I kidding- even if we lived in a McMansion, I doubt we would ever really get around to throwing a big party.
Now that Lulu is getting older I'm wondering how to accommodate a house full of kids for her upcoming birthday.
And I feel bad that she can't run around without us constantly saying "be careful!!" worried that she is going to ram into a piece of furniture.
For the past couple of years we've been looking at other places.
Going to open houses etc. but we would have to assume a pretty hefty mortgage if we made the jump.
And I wonder if the stress would really be worth it.
We could move to another more affordable part of the city, but really- I don't think we can bare the thought.
We love it here that much.
I always try to make myself feel better by telling myself that we live a "European" lifestyle.
And really who needs more rooms to clean and look after?
But who ever thought a front hall closet and 2 car parking would be considered a luxury?
Ah the joys of city living...
Both big daddy & I grew up in fairly substantial sized suburban homes, and it's just strange to think that lulu will never know what it's like to play ping-pong in the basement or have a big walk-in closet or heck a big grassy back yard to run around in.
we just had to flag stone the backyard...
oh the guilt...
Sometimes I even wonder if one of the reasons I'm not sure about ever having a second child is because we would most likely have to move.
which really is pretty lame considering the people we bought the house from had two kids (and ended up moving a few doors down- to a slightly bigger house)
I should just be grateful that we have a house (especially these days) and not be so consumed with keeping up with the Joneses.
Which maybe if I am really being honest with myself is what all the angst is all about in the first place.

edited to add- a mere hours after I wrote this, Lulu was running around the dining room table dressed like a fairy and having fun, when she trips on the rug and flies head first into the banister.
There is such limited space in the dining/living area to move- never mind run like a fairy.
she now has a huge dark goose egg in the middle of her sweet face and I just feel even more guilty.
I just wish she had more room to move and play and not for stuff like this to not have to happen.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

sweet sweet spring

It really is the simple things...

Oh and since you asked

Thursday, March 12, 2009

because everyone needs a good laugh

Recently I decided to go on a bit of a hiatus from watching anything too serious or depressing on television.
Well with the exception of the season finale to E.R. tonight.
I mean George Clooney folks? who can resist?
But other than that, I've been abstaining from the news or anything else too heavy.
Enough about the economy already!!
So as an alternative, I find myself watching the Comedy channel a lot these days.
A few weeks ago I came upon this.
And laughed my ass off.
This guy is so funny.
He definitely has a way of saying what I think many of us are thinking (but could never imagine blurting out in front of a live audience)
Speaking of which, I'd love to go and see some live comedy- something I haven't done in ages.
Then again, I guess I get plenty of chuckles around here at Casa Petitegourmand each day with Lulu coming up with some pretty funny one liners.
And sometimes if I'm really lucky she'll break out into a little physical comedy act by finding one of my bras, putting it on her head and dancing around singing a silly song that she made up called "I'm wearing mommy's boobie caps...lala llaaa laa la!!!"
Now that my friends, is pretty damned funny.
That is until she decides to share her act the next time we have a dinner party.
Oh how could I forget her favourite joke (which I'm pretty sure I've heard somewhere in the neighbourhood of 176 times)
Why did the jellybean go to school?
He wanted to become a smartie.
Or hey Mommy lets play that rhyming game?
okay sweetie, sounds fun.

Lulu "me"
me "luck"
Lulu "fuck" said with a smirk.

okie I guess she really is a true comedian.

Now THAT is some good comedy non?
Who needs cable?

Monday, March 09, 2009

Where did the dinosaurs go?

Last week we finally took Lulu to the R.O.M. (Royal Ontario Museum) and we were not disappointed.
The space is interesting and we really enjoyed all the exhibits.
Lulu was especially fascinated with all the dinosaurs.
Her wide eyed endless questions were so adorable that I swear I must have taken 100 pictures of her that day, wanting to capture the pure look of awe and wonder in her sweet face.
So many questions though- many of which I didn't have a clue how to answer.
At one point we were all sitting on a bench across from some images depicting an asteroid smashing into earth.
Thus the reason that Barosaurus, Albertosaurus and Tyrannosaurus rex are not roaming up and down Yonge St. today.
So naturally Lulu wanted to know if that killed all the dinosaurs?
And if another asteroid would smash into earth again and kill us humans?
how do you answer that honestly, yet not scare the hell out of a very sensitive 3 year old?
These days I find myself coming up with all sorts answers for stuff that I never really thought about.
Kids do that to you.
Make you stop and think about life.
And appreciate the fragility of life.
For some reason Lulu has been extra sensitive over the past few weeks, she doesn't really like it when we are not close to her.
She tends to follow me from one room to the next.
She seems to want just a little extra cuddling and loving and the end of each day.
She gets a bit upset each time I drop her off at school- which is kind of out of character for her.
The other day she said "mommy I wish that you never get old so you won't die"
I told her that I hope I do get old so that I can live a long and happy life and that it's okay to be old (I just wish wrinkles, sagging skin, aches & pains weren't part of the package)
That part of life is death.
All the more important to make the most of every day.
But not to worry because I won't be old for a long long time (okay that was a bit of a stretch- but you have to bend the truth sometimes)
I hope that wasn't too much information for her- but I want to be honest with her- always.
It's just so hard to be when they are so young.
When it comes to questions like hers about life and death I sometimes wish I was more religious.
It is so much easier to imagine fluffy clouds, angels and beautiful golden harps when it comes to that particular topic.
As much as Lulu is growing physically, I am amazed at how much she is emotionally and intellectually changing each and every day.
And while it seems strange that out of the blue she has become a tad clingy and extra sensitive, maybe it's normal.
After-all whenever I'm feeling uncertain about life or the direction it's is going, I always feel comforted after talking to my own mom about "stuff" and no matter how many years go by, a mother's wisdom and love is what really matters.
Even if they really don't have a clue about what really happened to the dinosaurs.