Tuesday, September 11, 2007

he sais she sais

Having a child can really bring a couple closer, and unfortunately in many cases it can really strain a relationship.
Marriage takes work, and when you are feeling exhausted and burned out, unfortunately relationships often get bumped to the bottom of the priority list.
Its easy to just assume that you will always be together once you have kids,
but this is not a very safe assumption.
I've written in the past about how challenging it has been to keep things balanced when it comes to big daddy and I.
At the end of the day we both feel so spread thin, that more often than not there's nothing left for one another.
We get along for the most part, we don't really argue that often, but when we do I feel so frustrated.
Friday night we had the most stupid argument that I practically don't even remember what it was about.
But in the end big daddy stormed out, and ended up sleeping on the sofa.
The worst part is that Lulu was within ear shot of some pretty unfortunate name calling and explosive tempers.
She was particularly upset by the fact that daddy left without saying goodnight to her.
when I read her her bedtime stories, I tried to explain to her that mommies and daddies sometimes have arguments but that doesn't mean that we don't love each other or especially that we don't love her.
She is so perceptive it blows me away.
She softly stated stroking my cheek and said "daddy need to calm down & he not be rude to mommy"
"I love you mommy"
Part of me felt like humph...see big daddy- even a two year old thinks you should calm down and were being totally rude.
The other part felt bad that Lulu had to see this in the first place.
I grew up around quite a bit of conflict between my parents and it was no fun at all.
I inevitable felt like I always had to choose a side.
I really don't want history to repeat it self.
That being said, like I said, big daddy and I don't argue that often, and by Saturday morning we were all snuggling in bed having coffee.
all was forgiven (for the most part) and the weekend was salvaged.
It helped that I finally got some sleep- bed by 10 and no snoring to wake me up.
It's truly amazing what a solid eight+ hours of sleep will do to improve a mood.
I'm not saying I was wrong due to pure exhaustion from lack of sleep all week long or that is was the sole reason for our fight in the first place but I'm just saying..

But ultimately~

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress..

Joseph Joubert 1754-1824
french philosopher
So true, and duely noted.


Anonymous said...

Big Daddy here,
nice post PG, what were we arguing about anyways? ordering pizza can be difficult at the best of times.
i'm glad we always work it out.
how about some make up sex???

Sarah said...

Ummm..I sure hope that's really Big Daddy and not some internet creep. :) I like that quote. I think I need to post it on my fridge.

Gabriella said...

I"ve been in these shoes more than I can count!
And yes that quote is speaks volumes!

kgirl said...

I could have written this.

As much as we say we won't argue in front of Bee, I am too fiery to keep up my end of the bargain. We just try to make up for it with lots of affection once everything is worked out. Scary how much she is affected by it though.

crazymumma said...

..and you know, they need to see conflict because that IS our world.

And they need to see resolution. You are teaching her it is ok to argue, to be rude, to not do it right.

Because there is a way out of it. A way to work out of the fight and the feelings.

You are doing an awesome job. And I think, from what you write, so is he.

Lisa b said...

Even here crazymumma makes me feel like I am a better mother!
Like kgirl I just cannot keep it in and wait until later.
This parenting stuff is so very hard and the lack of sleep just pushes me over the edge. I know you say it isn't all about the lack of sleep but I am going to suggest that it might be. I can deal with anything better if I have slept.

motherbumper said...

I have a temper (ahem) and SB likes to strike with quick lashes so it's hard to avoid in front of B. I can totally relate.

Progress should be the aim indeed.

kittenpie said...

We were lucky to have some twelve years to figure out our arguing strategies before Pumpkinpie came along, and neither of us are the types to explode, so it's a little easier to keep it civil and deal with it aside. But it's not like we're never snippy or cranky, that's for damn sure!