Thursday, February 26, 2009

absence makes the heart grow weaker

Last night Big daddy had tickets to the Hockey Game.
Not that either one of us is a big sports fan, but whatever, it was a night out with friends and the tickets were free and right behind the players bench.
Babysitter arrived, and we were all set to go when the power went out.
Lulu has been ultra sensitive and clingy since we got back from being away and I figured there might be a few tears when we left.
But last night she was inconsolable.
She was really really upset.
Sure the night before she woke up a bunch of times and was probably really overtired.
And she's probably still coming down from all the excitement of last week.
And she she's been pretty much congested or not feeling great for a few weeks now and I'm sure that added to the drama of it all.
But geez the poor little thing was breaking my heart.
She is usually fine when we go out- which admittedly has been pretty infrequent over the winter which I'm sure is a major contributor to the problem.
When we waved at her from the window I could hear the uncontrollable sobs from outside-plus she was holding her little flashlight because there were no lights.
That had to have been scary to a three year old.
I made big daddy pull over half way down the street, so I could phone the Nanny and she if she had stopped crying...sure enough she was still wailing in the background.
I could see if this was the first time we had left her, but it wasn't.
This woman babysits for us often, and lulu loves her. Or so I thought.
After some debate- I decided to go home, and big daddy frantically called up a friend to see if he wanted to go the the leafs game last minute.
I felt really terrible.
A. it would have been the first time alone together big daddy & I have had in ages.
well alone with the exception of a few thousand hockey fans- but still.
B. I had to drive the nanny home and felt so bad that I had to cancel the night on her.
C. that Lulu was so distraught in the first place
and finally I just felt like I caved too easily.
Am I coddling Lulu too much these days?
I'm I screwing her up by not letting her tough it out and becoming more independent?
but in defense of myself- the house was pitch black and I'm sure that must have been terrifying, I'm still getting over a nasty sinus infection, I really don't care for hockey, and okay...I really just wanted to stay home and watch American Idol in my pajamas.
I'm such a loser.
But seriously- when is it okay to just trust your instincts and give in to your child's pleas and when is it not?
I know so many parents that just leave their kids all the time with absolutely no issue whatsoever.
I wish I could be one of them.
Anyone else experience the whole separation anxiety issue?


Lynn said...

Here's what I live by:

They're only young once.

You can't "spoil" them by letting them know they are loved and helping them feel safe.

There's no need to apologize for putting your children first.

You did right by your daughter!

Ms. Porter said...


Good for you PG, I mean it.

For the most part, I am not a believer in kids 'crying it out' in that type of situation. I'm so glad you 'caved', I would have done the exact same thing and I have.

Oh and Lynn, she said it perfectly.

kgirl said...

No way, mama. You listen to your heart. Kids don't need to 'tough it out,' they need love.

Besides, you would have had a shitty time at the game leaving Lulu like that. But dude, next time? Tell your huz to call me. I love my boys in blue.

Anonymous said...

No you completely did the right thing. You wouldn't have enjoyed the game knowing she was not happy.

Sam is wonderful at staying with my mom; my mother in law, other than watching her after daycare until I pick her up, is another story. On weekends it's very difficult to leave Sam with her.

Like Lynn said they're only young once, soon enough they won't want to hang with us anymore.

kurrabikid said...

DEFINITELY know what you mean about this one - it is tricky to know how to navigate the whole separation anxiety thing. Mine had big separation issues at about 2 - I found it incredibly hard to work out ... but somehow he worked it out himself and he happily waves 'bye bye' now.

metro mama said...

I think it mostly has to do with the child's temperment. And like you said, the black out would have been frightening.

I would have done the same thing.

Sarah said...

I agree with Metro mama - temperment is a biggie in these situations and with various kiddos. I think whatever YOU decide in each situation is best - I don't believe there is a black and white decision for this situations. Take it case by case and see how you feel.

Tracy said...

I would have done the exact same thing...

b*babbler said...

If it feels right to you, then you absolutely did the right thing.

I've done the very same.

amanda said...

I think you handled this one right... her getting over being sick on top of the whole power-outage. That's a lot for a little one.