Wednesday, July 23, 2008

the facts of life

well I'm not going to start going on about Tootie, Blare and Mrs. Garrett...but I have been having some serious flashbacks these past few days.
Mostly from my late teens and early twenties.
I've been so immersed in my present and always worried about the future (or more accurately Lulu's future) I kind of forgot about me and my past.
which when it comes to some things, isn't such a bad thing.
As checkered as it might have been, it's important to remember it because it's how I got to where I am today.
For some reason music always seems to bring me back.
I'll hear a song and instantly remember a particular time in my life.
I heard a Tracy Chapman song the other day "Happy" from "Revolution" and instantly thought of a guy that I had a crush and wondered where is he now?
Come to think of it, I wonder where Tracy Chapman is too?
Then I heard a Cat Stevens song and thought about a guy that I well was sort of "seeing" for a summer and kind of broke his young heart-he was a few years younger than me-and so....anyhow...I still feel badly and hope that he is happy wherever he might be.
One of the many reasons I'm not on facebook.
It must be so tempting to look people up that really you shouldn't be.
Then I heard a Smiths song and thought of my ex boyfriend of three years, and thought how crazy that I had this long term relationship with someone other than big daddy?
As tumultuous as that particular relationship was it taught me a lot.
No regrets.
I had quite a few debaucherous years before meeting big daddy and when I look back..even though I have to fight the urge to cringe and almost reprimand my former wild self, I can barely believe that I'm the person I am today and that the universe brought big d into my life.
So much time was spent in an (often drunken) haze looking for my soul mate.
Sure I had a lot of fun along the way but really when I think about it, those were some pretty crazy and often unhappy years.
But fortunately It wasn't all jagermeister shots and late night runs to the corner store for packs of Belmont Milds, I was for the most part quite responsible.
I had my own apartment which was always pretty meticulous.
My own car.
No Debt.
I worked really hard and at one point I think I had three different jobs at the same time and went to school part time which I paid for myself.

When I hear about couples that were high-school sweethearts I think wow...that's amazing.
I wish that had been me.
Then again I wouldn't be the me I know today had that been the case.
I didn't really have a high-school sweetheart per say.
my first real boyfriend was when I moved out.
A nice guy and we spent close to three years together but what can I say?
last I heard he moved to Florida (where he was originally from) and works for a pro baseball team.
He was a complete sports fanatic.
One of the many reasons I said adios and ended things.
come to think about it I had a bit of a thing for jocks and sports guys- my other ex is currently a sports writer.
So I hear.
It comes as no surprise then that big daddy- the man I married- never watches sports. ever.
learn from past mistakes.
the closest thing he watches is the history channel and is a bit obsessed with WWII... but I can live with that.
there was also a rower, a wrestler, a football player and even a professional ballet dancer- and really- he wasn't gay.
Or at least I'd like to think so.

I don't know, I'm not sure why I'm revealing all this about myself- and well my gulp...past.
I find it hard to believe myself.
I look back and scratch my head and think was that really me?
These days I couldn't be more conservative and reserved.
I don't drink or smoke, I'm in bed each night somewhere between 10 and 11p.m. up at 6ish.
g-d I remember getting in at how times have changed.
heck I'm even wheat, caffeine and dairy free at the moment.
I can't remember the last time I went out on the "town" or danced or got the slightest bit "crazy"
I wonder if I ever will again.
Not that I really want to.
My idea of getting crazy is turning up the music really loud in the car while driving alone on the highway going 10 km over the speed limit.
I'm wild and crazy let me tell you.
I'm so well...buttoned up..for lack of a better term.
let's not even talk about sex. especially wild sex.
Now that I'm a wife and mother I feel like I have to be so..good.
Not that I mind,
I want to be.
I can always conjure up all those wild memories when the "need" arises, but really I'm just glad they are in the past.

So for now, I'm off to go check out itunes and search for a little Tangerine Dream, U2, Sade, The Cranberries, The Barenaked ladies (Wrap your arms around me and Blame it on me only) Depeche Mode, The KLF, Everything but the Girl, Massive Attack, Portishead, Bob Marley, Arrested Development and maybe a bit of Seal for good measure.
what can I say it was the early nineties?

oh and as per the title of this post...the Facts of Life by Graham Joyce.
Just finished this book and it was excellent.
totally off topic, but thought I would share.
and oh my gosh I actually stayed up past 1 am to finish it.
I'm wild I tell you.


amanda said...

Great post. It's always interesting to get a glimpse into someone's past. Doesn't sound too far off from my own :) Which I've been thinking about lately as well. Heading home Friday and can't help thinking about running into old friends and what they'd think if they saw me now! 6+ months pregnant with a two year old. Crazy. Or not so much... craziest thing going on now is picking out paint colors and cabinets. Staying up late to watch Flipping Out.

Oh, and thanks for the book idea... needed a new one for my trip!

Anonymous said...

Oh I loved the Cranberries....and I'm the same with many songs remind me of different guys...

I like remembering the past as regrets makes you who you are today. I know a few couples that were high school sweethearts...while it's charming it's not my cup of tea...I cannot imagine meeting someone when i was 16 and never being with anyone else for the rest of my would be too constraining. I needed to "sow my wild oats" so to speak to find out who I am today; and even then it's still on ongoing process...

god that was a rambled on post...

kittenpie said...

Ha - I'm quite the opposite, in fact. I was always a relationship girl, not a wild one. I'm too practical to really let go the way you need to be to get really crazy, so late nights drinking with friends, sure, but no real foolishness in my past. And then I met Misterpie at 19, and that, as they say, was that. So more of my regrets have to do with risks NOT taken!

...and so on it goes said...

Hey Petite,

Your post made me a little sad.

I was a part of those days and I thought you were fabulous....

A Peanut's Life said...

For me certain smells also bring be back, cologne/perfumes, foods, things like that will bring back a memory of a place or person. Music also does the trick, but the smells seem to make it more instense for me. Crazy how sometimes we want to get away from our past, but we always need to let it catch up to us because it make us who we are today.
I couldn't imagine marrying my highschool sweetheart, I like that I was able to learn from my mistakes and explore. This way you will never think, what if or that the grass is greener on the other side.

Sheena said...

I often feel that way at work. Do they have any idea who I was not very long ago and why the hell do they trust me...

Sarah said...

Hey, if it wasn't for "sowing those wild oats" in the past, I doubt you would appreciate all you do today. :) BTW, I start to get panicky if I am not asleep by 10:30on a weekday. What in the world?

ChrisMooreMusic said...

Has anyone else ever questioned who sang "Wrap Your Arms Around Me", one of the Barenaked Ladies songs on Gordon? I've always thought it was Ed, but a friend of mine pointed out that Ed's voice sounds different elsewhere on the album. We record a lot of cover songs and consider ourselves BnL experts, but we couldn't agree on an answer. Any ideas?...

petite gourmand said...

chrismooremusic- I'm not really sure.