Wednesday, October 08, 2008
mirror mirror on the wall..
I so wish we didn't live in a society that places so much emphasis on looks.
But that's just the way it is and always will be.
Looking young seems to be at the top of most women's wish list.
But as I get closer and closer to the 40 year mark (okay still over two years away, but still....) I can really see the changes.
And no where was it more glaringly obvious than on a 42' flat-screen in HD.
After watching myself on the first episode of "the show" I thought, okay, I don't look too bad.
But after last night's episode, I can't say the same.
There was the shopping segment which wasn't too painful, but the rest I thought I looked and sounded terrible.
My hair looked awful, my face was all shiny- good hair and make-up really does make a difference on t.v.
And it is so true about what they say- t.v does add 10 lbs. for sure.
I think it also adds to the size of your nose too.
when the hell did my cute button nose officially become a honkin' schnoz?
yikes. Barbara Streisand's got nothin' on me.
I know I'm no giant- being vertically challenged has been my reality all my life, but put me next to two tall 5'10+ girls in heels no less- and I look like an elf.
Then there's the issue of what my voice sounds like.
Sort of nasal-ish and like I had 5 chocolate bars right before we started shooting.
Let's not even talk about the editing that always seems to cut me off- which isn't such a bad thing I guess.
I say "Yeah", far too often.
Now I know where Lulu gets it.
So needless to say I'm pretty depressed today.
I need a new hair stylist, and maybe a whole new face.
Well maybe I'll just start with the hair....the face might be a little extreme.
I come by all this insecurity naturally though.
My mom is constantly worried about how she looks.
She is super hard on herself- in my opinion, unnecessarily.
She is absolutely beautiful and natural.
She will be 60 yet she looks much closer to 50.
She often gets mistaken for Lulu's mother and not grandmother.
She is a cancer survivor and is healthy and energetic- yet never 100% happy about the way she looks.
Every photo I take of her (and I'm pretty decent with a camera if I do say so myself) she asks me to delete.
I guess the ol' apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, as I'm always editing all the shots of myself- in fact that could be the reason we have very few of me.
It's all Lulu & big daddy.
fine by me- that's why I really feel more comfortable behind a camera and not in front of one.
I just hope Lulu doesn't inherit this insecurity and I end up passing on the "too hard on myself gene".
Because I think she's so beautiful- inside & out.
I also hope the next 4 episodes that I'm on are not as painful as the last one.
I seriously don't know how actors & models deal with seeing themselves in action.
They really have to have a thick (yet flawless) skin.
Me not so much.
Are all women so self critical when it comes to their physical appearance, or is it just the ones that get sucked into to being on T.V.?