Wednesday, October 08, 2008

mirror mirror on the wall..

I so wish we didn't live in a society that places so much emphasis on looks.
But that's just the way it is and always will be.
Looking young seems to be at the top of most women's wish list.
But as I get closer and closer to the 40 year mark (okay still over two years away, but still....) I can really see the changes.
And no where was it more glaringly obvious than on a 42' flat-screen in HD.
After watching myself on the first episode of "the show" I thought, okay, I don't look too bad.
But after last night's episode, I can't say the same.
There was the shopping segment which wasn't too painful, but the rest I thought I looked and sounded terrible.
My hair looked awful, my face was all shiny- good hair and make-up really does make a difference on t.v.
And it is so true about what they say- t.v does add 10 lbs. for sure.
I think it also adds to the size of your nose too.
when the hell did my cute button nose officially become a honkin' schnoz?
yikes. Barbara Streisand's got nothin' on me.
I know I'm no giant- being vertically challenged has been my reality all my life, but put me next to two tall 5'10+ girls in heels no less- and I look like an elf.
Then there's the issue of what my voice sounds like.
Sort of nasal-ish and like I had 5 chocolate bars right before we started shooting.
Let's not even talk about the editing that always seems to cut me off- which isn't such a bad thing I guess.
I say "Yeah", far too often.
Now I know where Lulu gets it.
oh yeah.
So needless to say I'm pretty depressed today.
I need a new hair stylist, and maybe a whole new face.
Well maybe I'll just start with the hair....the face might be a little extreme.

I come by all this insecurity naturally though.
My mom is constantly worried about how she looks.
She is super hard on herself- in my opinion, unnecessarily.
She is absolutely beautiful and natural.
She will be 60 yet she looks much closer to 50.
She often gets mistaken for Lulu's mother and not grandmother.
She is a cancer survivor and is healthy and energetic- yet never 100% happy about the way she looks.
Every photo I take of her (and I'm pretty decent with a camera if I do say so myself) she asks me to delete.
I guess the ol' apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, as I'm always editing all the shots of myself- in fact that could be the reason we have very few of me.
It's all Lulu & big daddy.
fine by me- that's why I really feel more comfortable behind a camera and not in front of one.
I just hope Lulu doesn't inherit this insecurity and I end up passing on the "too hard on myself gene".
Because I think she's so beautiful- inside & out.

I also hope the next 4 episodes that I'm on are not as painful as the last one.
I seriously don't know how actors & models deal with seeing themselves in action.
They really have to have a thick (yet flawless) skin.
Me not so much.
Are all women so self critical when it comes to their physical appearance, or is it just the ones that get sucked into to being on T.V.?


amanda said...

I wish I could have seen the show! But I'm sure you looked great... of the pictures I've seen you look great. You're too hard on yourself.

I think we're all pretty critical of our own appearances - at least I am and all of my girlfriends are. Just yesterday we were all talking about who's melasama was worse... and we all hadn't even noticed each others.

Anonymous said...

whooaaa nelly! It's a 43" screen.
I think you are the most beautiful woman around and hey I'm only 5'7 so the height is good.your schnoz is not big, you looked great on the show last night and your voice is just fine.
and oh yeah, i don't say yes a lot either.
we just need a little holiday. and you need to take some time for yourself to unwind once in awhile.
stop worrying about all the little things and pay some attention to YOU!.
I love you just the same.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god...your nose did not look big at all!! I think you looked wonderful!!

But I do believe that a lot of women are very self critical of themselves...I know I am one of them...this past weekend I went on a shopping trip with a few gfriends and they had me trying on a dress which everyone said looked amazing on me and I? Well I just couldn't see it and i didn't end up buying it...I should've though.

Cheryl said...

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. I saw the show and you looked great -- in fact, fabulous for someone who is 30-something! You and Lulu have classical good looks.

kittenpie said...

I think everyone is their own worst critic, really, and I'm not sure I know anyone who likes pictures of themselves, including my sister, who started out as a model. She talks about her nose, too... But you? Are adorable, so dont' worry overly. REally. And I'm not one to just say the polite thing.

kurrabikid said...

Seeing yourself in family happy snaps is confronting, so I can only imagine what the big screen must be like! But can I just say that, TV being the fickle world that it is, you wouldn't have even been offered the gig without the people who know such things agreeing that you have the goods. Now would you?

A Peanut's Life said...

I've watched and you are great! Don't be so hard on yourself. HD is a peach....You look great and sound great and I love you cute outfits and your nose was not huge... The show is wonderful and you are wonderful in it.

Ms. Porter said...

I'm just watching the Oct 15th show and I grabbed my laptop so I could send you this message. You look fantastic and sound great and your nose...what do you think is wrong with your nose???? You think you say yeah alot but I haven't found that, in fact I noticed how you don't ummmmm and uhhhhh at all which is far worse than someone who says yeah alot (which you don't anyway). I'm so glad you came out and told us about your show because I don't watch tv and I wouldn't have watched the show otherwise!