Tuesday, December 30, 2008

new year resolutions

The other day I decided to make a list of all the things I would like to accomplish in 2009.
I came up with twenty or so personal goals.
Perhaps a tad overly ambitious- but I like goals, however unrealistic they might be.
Like for example, watch less T.V.
I say it every year, but I get sucked in time and time again.
I love my high definition idiot box, I can't help it, and sometimes it's nice to just zone out in front of the tube.
While channel surfing the other night, I came across Long Road Down with Ewan McGregor on the National Geographic channel.
It's The Long Road Down marathon this week and I'm hooked.
Did I mention that it's about Ewan McGregor?
I just can't seem to get enough of that foxy Scottish accent, baby blue eyes and that infectious laugh...did I mention that Ewan is in it?
oh and it's also about motorcycles and driving from Scotland to South Africa...and Ewan McgorgeousFreakin'Gregor!
What can I say it's been a long week and Big Daddy is away.
I wonder if he would find it weird if I asked him to talk with a Scottish accent when he gets home.
On a more serious note.
Here's a few others that I thought I would share.
#1. Stop Feeling Guilty.
I don't know what it is about being a mother, but I feel like I am drowning in guilt some days.
I am endlessly "should-ing" on myself and I need to get over this.
Like for example today.
I feel soooo guilty that Lulu is lonely and bored- her exact words.
Big daddy is away in NYC and I'm flying solo. Most of her friends are away on holidays and we have really been spending far too much time at home together.
I know, I know I should embrace this time together, but both of us are getting kind of squirrelly and more than once I lost my cool with her today.
She just wanted to play, I just wanted to have an hour to myself.
I actually tried to sit and write this morning but after the 22nd MOOOOMMMMYYYYY can you come play with me??? I gave up.
So far she has only called me twice....thank-you Blockbuster.
But I feel absolutely terrible, she's just a kid and the fact that she's an only child makes me feel even worse. She really is starting to get the concept that she doesn't have any siblings and she's not too thrilled about it.
The other night she started crying out of the blue with genuine tears of sadness and said "I wish I had a sister, then she could sleep in a bunk bed with me and we would talk and I would never never interrupt you & daddy"
Oh I'll just have a huge helping of guilt on a platter, oh and a side of extra guilt please.
I felt absolutely heartbroken.
Some days I feel guilty that maybe I'm paying too much attention to Lulu and other times not enough.
I can't seem to win.
But the bottom line is that I really need to get over the guilt.
We have made certain choices and I just need to focus on all the positive things we are doing for Lulu and not the negative-like losing my temper and dropping the F-bomb in front of her...oh the shame....
I think this will be by far the most challenging goal for 2009.
# 2. Having a more positive attitude
Speaking of making a change and being more positive....There is always room for improvement in this department for me.
I really need to start seeing the glass as half full instead of the other way around. Sure I find it much easier to do when it's warm & sunny outside and when everyone is happy and healthy. But sometimes you can't control everything in life and you just have to roll with the punches.
So basically I'm going to try to stay focused on being positive even if it's minus 20 outside and I have "assisted" lulu with blowing her nose 36 times in one day and I have complete and utter cabin fever. Stay positive...
At least we have a nice warm cozy house to live in right?
and let's not forget the wine in the cupboard and the vodka in the freezer....
#3. Overcoming Fear.
I don't know when exactly I became a overprotective, neurotic, nervous nelly but it has to stop.
I never seem to want to plan things (especially vacations) since last year. Sure the first half of 2008 was spent unable to fly- due to the unfortunate ruptured eardrum situation...but cummon...I really need to just get back on that travel horse and book a trip.
We NEED a family vacation, and also a trip alone- just big daddy & I.
My parents can handle a few days with Lulu she'll be fine...I turned out okay right???
Okay maybe we'll just start with the family vacation...kidding..well, semi-kidding..
I worry far too much.
#4. get to know myself again.
In the past few years I really have forgotten how to just let go and have fun (see above re: worried/paranoid/crazy/momma)
I used to be so carefree and loved to socialize. I was a complete social butterfly. I had a great sense of adventure and really loved to have a good time. Somewhere along the line, I lost that person a bit and I really want to find her again.
#5. Be More Grateful.
I have written about this on more than one occasion, but I have plenty to be grateful for. I need to remind myself of these things each and everyday.
My beautiful, funny and a little too smart for her own good daughter Lulu.
My loyal, respected and very hard working husband.
My good friends who I wish I spent more time with and hopefully in 2009 I will. (you know who you are ;)
My health...oh sure there are a few more colds to contend with now that we have a little germ magnet in the house, but on the grand scheme of things we are very healthy and for that I am very grateful.
And..well...you...my fellow bloggers.
Its been quite a journey and I have come to depend on the camaraderie and laughs I get from the Internet. who knew?
but for that I am very grateful and that I have a voice that's being heard in some capacity.
So that's my top 5 picks for my new year's resolutions.
What about you? what are your goals for 2009?

Oh and Happy New Year!


Don Mills Diva said...

Can I just steal your resolutions?

I honestly think I could have written this post, word for word and these are all things I need to work on - especially the bit about letting go of fear and worry and finding that fearless, fun-loving girl I used to be...I miss her.

indigo herself said...

guilt and fear. two goals that dive deep. common threads in my life. at the moment, i am struggling with guilt in relation to my own mother. she turns on the water works when she doesn't get what she wants and has really made a mess of my life in 2008, all in the name of "helping," re feeding her own ego about how selfless and giving she is. trust me there are things to be grateful of where she is concerned and to outside observers she is a perfect cutie pie. that just adds to the manipulation. she is keeping track and doesn't realize she has been ahead for years. when do the kids get to grow up and have their own lives? anyhow. i'm with you on conquering guilt in 2009. i think the idea of a sister may actually be better then the real thing if you want to know the truth. don't fall for it. now that i think about it my mother may have something in common with lulu and she's young! thanks for listening. am i evil? maybe that is the guilt talking.

Anonymous said...

Those sound like good resolutions for a lot of us out here! I completely understand the guilt thing, and the finding who you used to be, taking a vacation...all of it!!
I havent' made any resolutions yet, I still have 12 hours to go!
Have a wonderful New Year's!!

kittenpie said...

I want to get to the point where I enjoy my children again. Right now, it's a lot of work and I'm tired, and I feel like I can only enjoy one at a time, and I'm so divided in my attention that Pumpkinpie is being a total pain in the ass just to get attention. I know it will get better as the Bun grows, but I want to challenge myself to remember that and try to be more patient.

I also want to get moving once school starts next week, shake off the holiday lethargy and go for walks and such. The weight is not going to take care of itself entirely, after all.

And finally, now that the third floor is done and the house mostly a disaster, I want to restore order and purge stuff. I'm tired of living in chaos, and the next round of major renos is years away, still. We do the closet in the spring, so it should be attainable.

Ms. Porter said...

Did I write this or did you?????

amanda said...

Great post... I swear I could have written it myself. Weird. I have such issues with guilt and anxiety. I've always been so pessimistic and for whatever reason always need to voice my pessimism.

So far my only resolutions involve the 30 day shred and drinking less... ok, so I've had a bit of cabin fever myself and feel the need to indulge in cocktail hour on a daily basis these days. Geez ;)

Sarah said...

As always, I admire the candor in which you are willing to write, pg. So much of what you write are the same for me. Especially the pessimistic part. My goals: Not be so hard on myself and be more patient. With everything and everyone. I spend way too much brain space thinking the worst. So there you have it!

Lisa b said...

oh the guilt.
great resolutions. I second Don Mills Diva that I could just steal these but Amanda makes a good point about happy hour so I will add that one too.
Happy New Year!

Haley-O said...

Those are some beautiful resolutions.... Really. And, Ewan McGregor.... I've been salivating over him since I saw The Island (again) a couple weeks ago.... That accent! That accent!!

Karen MEG said...

Great resolutions... I really could have written them myself.

Oh, and I LOVE me some Ewan and Charley too... what a great team they are.

The big one for me this year will be to be more loving, appreciative and strong ... for my parents.

Happy New Year to you and your family..