mirror mirror on the wall..

I so wish we didn't live in a society that places so much emphasis on looks.
But that's just the way it is and always will be.
Looking young seems to be at the top of most women's wish list.
But as I get closer and closer to the 40 year mark (okay still over two years away, but still....) I can really see the changes.
And no where was it more glaringly obvious than on a 42' flat-screen in HD.
Argh.
After watching myself on the first episode of "the show" I thought, okay, I don't look too bad.
But after last night's episode, I can't say the same.
There was the shopping segment which wasn't too painful, but the rest I thought I looked and sounded terrible.
My hair looked awful, my face was all shiny- good hair and make-up really does make a difference on t.v.
And it is so true about what they say- t.v does add 10 lbs. for sure.
I think it also adds to the size of your nose too.
when the hell did my cute button nose officially become a honkin' schnoz?
yikes. Barbara Streisand's got nothin' on me.
I know I'm no giant- being vertically challenged has been my reality all my life, but put me next to two tall 5'10+ girls in heels no less- and I look like an elf.
Then there's the issue of what my voice sounds like.
Sort of nasal-ish and like I had 5 chocolate bars right before we started shooting.
Let's not even talk about the editing that always seems to cut me off- which isn't such a bad thing I guess.
I say "Yeah", far too often.
Now I know where Lulu gets it.
oh yeah.
So needless to say I'm pretty depressed today.
I need a new hair stylist, and maybe a whole new face.
Well maybe I'll just start with the hair....the face might be a little extreme.

I come by all this insecurity naturally though.
My mom is constantly worried about how she looks.
She is super hard on herself- in my opinion, unnecessarily.
She is absolutely beautiful and natural.
She will be 60 yet she looks much closer to 50.
She often gets mistaken for Lulu's mother and not grandmother.
She is a cancer survivor and is healthy and energetic- yet never 100% happy about the way she looks.
Every photo I take of her (and I'm pretty decent with a camera if I do say so myself) she asks me to delete.
I guess the ol' apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, as I'm always editing all the shots of myself- in fact that could be the reason we have very few of me.
It's all Lulu & big daddy.
fine by me- that's why I really feel more comfortable behind a camera and not in front of one.
I just hope Lulu doesn't inherit this insecurity and I end up passing on the "too hard on myself gene".
Because I think she's so beautiful- inside & out.

I also hope the next 4 episodes that I'm on are not as painful as the last one.
I seriously don't know how actors & models deal with seeing themselves in action.
They really have to have a thick (yet flawless) skin.
Me not so much.
Are all women so self critical when it comes to their physical appearance, or is it just the ones that get sucked into to being on T.V.?

pickle time

It might be too late to pick up this issue of Canadian Family Magazine (I think it was last month) but it's not too late to make pickles.
We shot this last year and Lulu had so much fun.
A fun super easy thing to do with kids and doesn't cost a fortune.
It really teaches them about food, where it comes from and what we can do to it to make taste delicious.

Since I'm in self promotion mode....if you didn't catch the season premier of The Style Department on HGTV last night it's on again today @ 3:30 and Saturday @ 10 a.m.
I think the room looked great and I guess I didn't come off looking too terrible (as I had originally feared)
Let me know whatcha think.
For fun pickle recipes check out the canadian family magazine website.
what's not to love about pickles?
yum.

sweet new year

We spent the day in an apple orchard on Sunday and had so much fun.
Lulu was ultra enthusiastic about picking the brightest juiciest apples on the trees.
She's quite the little harvester.
She even ate one straight from the tree without the usual demands of no peel and sliced just so..
We are turning a corner in the food department folks. ..



I am having so much fun with her these days. Three is such an awesome age.
We just hang out and chat.
And boy can my girl chat....Endless stories and questions.
But I love it, I wish I could just freeze time and she would stay three forever...well maybe not forever...
It is fun though, and so damned adorable.



On another note-it's the Jewish New year tonight and we are going to some friends for dinner.
Good timing re: spending the day in an apple orchard, as one of the traditions is to eat apples & honey to signify a sweet new year.
Sounds good to me.
Shona Tova!



Oh and if you want a good laugh, watch HGTV tomorrow night at 8:30 and see if you can spot me.

love at first bite

Over the summer I re-discovered my local bookstore.
I have to admit, big daddy & I usually end up at Chapters/Indigo (Barns & Noble of Canada) to get most of our books.
But there is something about shopping at a nice small neighbourhood bookstore.
Now it's the only place I buy my books.
Everything is edited down for you and you start to get to know the staff that works there.
They also don't mind if you camp out and check out the books before buying and are really enthusiastic about recommendations (all of which have been bang on)
I've managed to find some great reads there this summer and I even decided to go with the masses and pick up a copy of Twilight.
I am a big vampire genre fan, so when I saw this book it caught my eye.
I have to admit, I felt a bit hesitant buying it, because it's considered a young adult book.
But after just finish reading a bunch of heavy stuff (Gargoyle) I felt like something fun.
I really enjoyed it and found I could not put it down. This is a really great book with real emotions all wrapped up in a vampire story, a young woman's story of having to grow up faster then she maybe should have because of her parents, and also dealing with all the issues surrounding adolescence. All in all, a great book, glad I decided to overlook the age description and "sink my teeth into it" ;
Speaking of sinking teeth...

Lulu's first week of school went really well, with the exception of a nice big bite mark on her arm.
When I went to pick her up the teacher assured me that it was a pretty common occurrence....ummm hellllo-not for me!
I tried to be calm and not freak Lulu out, but I was pretty upset.
She has never been the type of kid to hoard toys or get into conflict.
She's fairly gentle and quite generous and really good at sharing- or at least as generous as a three year old can be.
They told me that fortunately the skin wasn't broken and they iced it so the swelling wasn't too bad, it happened really fast and that the parents of this little biter had been notified.
I fully expected a phone call from them to reassure me that A. it had never happened before and B. that they talked to their little vampire and explained that biting is NOT acceptable.
But I never got the call, and apparently they have been through a few different nanny's and are not very pro-active when it comes to their three boys. I asked around.
grrreat.
Anyhow, Lulu is okay which is the most important thing and she's not really bothered by the whole incident.
I think Big daddy & I were more distraught that she was.
My advice was to not go near him anymore and big daddy told her to karate chop him if he tried again.
ah...not exactly the approach I was thinking..I think (hope) he was kidding.
Anyhow it's a new week and I got a chance to check him out this morning and he's smaller than Lulu and I'm pretty sure that if push came to shove or in this case push came to "bite" I think she could easily take him.
HIYAH!!!

So back to the books.
In addition to my teen lit. here's a bunch of other stuff I just finished reading.
All excellent and worth checking out.
I'm currently reading Late Nights On Air by Elizabeth Hay which is good so far.
Though I have to admit that I am anxious to read the sequel to Twilight- New Moon.
I'm sooo like 16.

new shoes

I suppose that's one way to accessorize....

he's my man

Yikes I just posted my first frontal photo of myself- and not the most flattering I might add.
But whatever- the real reason I picked this image is that I think big daddy looks good.
For the most part this blog seems to be all about Lulu.
But today it's all about Big daddy.
I often write about the challenges of marriage once you add kids to the mix.
or in our case- kid.
It takes work.
It's easy to fall into a routine where you become a well oiled machine as a couple, fulfilling domestic responsibilities.
I cook, clean, deal with the house etc. look after Lulu %90 of the time and take on the occasional freelance job.
Big daddy deals with all the rest.
Which is a hell of a lot.
Not to down play my role in our partnership, but the man is pretty awesome.
I'm pretty fortunate to have a guy who deals with all of the bills, mortgage, running his own business and still has the energy to get up every morning with Lulu and take her to school.
Not to mention he is always trying to get me to "treat myself" to facials, a massage or go out with the girls etc. though I rarely take him up on his offers- I love that he thinks of me, even though it's him that really needs the break.
But lately I think the stress of it all is taking it's toll.
He's pretty exhausted and starting to feel pretty burned out- yet he keeps on going.
He really works hard- very hard.
I probably don't thank him as much as I should or let him know how very proud I am of all his accomplishments and success.
I know he is doing this all for us.
Our little family of three.
I so appreciate the fact that he has such a strong work ethic and has made sacrifices so that I don't have to.
I am blessed that I can stay at home with Lulu and not have to worry about working for a while.
I'm so lucky that I get to spend as much time as possible with her while I can.
where the heck did the last three and a half years go?
I can do a few jobs each month and not stress about career etc. and just focus on our daughter- and try to wrap my head around maybe doing it all over again with a second ???? but that's another post....
I am so thankful and yes still very much in love.
After 11 years together it's so easy to forget.
Forget why you are together in the first place.
I'm super lucky to be married to a funny, loving, giving, as mentioned- very hard working, loyal, respectful, good lookin', intelligent, sometimes a bit- okay a lot-moody, but after 11 years I'm getting used to it, sweet, caring guy.
How did I get so lucky?

and big d if you are reading this (and I hope you are) I think it's time for a little get away or a break at the very least.
you & I...and heck maybe Lulu too.
whatever you want.
we love & really appreciate you.
hang in there.
xo

first day

After a hard first day at nursery school Lulu was in need of a little warm Sake...kidding.
But she did beg to go for sushi for dinner as a special treat.
Fine by me.

above photo- Lulu working on her homework ;
but seriously.
Lulu was like and old pro this morning when big daddy & I dropped her off.
Same school as last year, but new class room and new teacher.
She gave us each a quick kiss and a hug and she was off.
sniff sniff.
My little gal- growing up so fast.
But after oh say about 15 seconds, all sentiments faded and big daddy and I were on a mission.
We practically sprinted to the car.
We got soooo much accomplished in one morning!
Bonus that he had the day off.
First I dragged his sorry ass to a gym in the neighbourhood and made him sign up and get a membership.
His old gym (diesel Fitness) went out of business in the spring and he hasn't really worked out since.
Not that he looks bad- but the man needs a stress buster.
Exercise works wonders for me, so I hope it helps him.
then after a tour of the gym etc. we managed to go to home depot (twice as we forgot something the first time)
such a pleasant experience without a three year old- yes that's how pathetic we are, getting excited by home depot....sigh.
We stopped for a celebratory latte at starbucks then zipped over to our storage locker- which was unfortunately flooded a month ago.
I had to assess the damage- nothing serious except a box of old photos.
Mostly from my twenties.
Kind of frustrating, but in some ways okay, especially considering that any evidence of all that bad hair in the nineties was destroyed.
we (as in big daddy) built some metal shelving racks for the storage locker while I was tripping down memory lane.
I can't believe I wore bright red lipstick at one point- What was I thinking?
So we organized and sorted (my favourite thing to do in life these days- I guess I already mentioned the part about me being pathetic)
then went back to pick lulu up- still having time to chat with some friends along the way.
It's amazing how much can be done in the span of two & a half hours.
After lunch and trying to coax info out of Lulu about her first day at school
"How was your first day sweetie? what did you do? who was in your class?"
"sorry mommy, it's a secret"
alrighty then...
we managed to get a ton of things crossed off the ol' to do list- feels so great.
But probably not as great as that green tea ice cream tasted by the looks of things..

sleepin in the rain

Well I'm still here, though I must admit I haven't been into blogging these past few weeks.
I actually started a new journal and find I'm writing in the evenings for myself rather than here on my blog.
Not sure why, other than now that certain ugh-um...family members know about this blog I guess I feel it's better if I keep certain things to myself.
A bit of self-censorship I suppose.
But things are really good these days.
Though I do find this transitional time of year a bit confusing.
One day you are wearing flip flops and turning on the A.C the next you are freezing your ass off and wondering if it's too early to turn on the furnace.
Normally I love this time of year, tired of the relentless heat and humidity and anxious for the beautiful fall colours and crisp fresh air, but I feel like we totally got ripped off this summer.
Not the best year to buy a boat, that's for sure.
rain rain go away.
So this year not so much.
But at least I'm not living in Texas...yikes.
I guess I have nothing to complain about on the grand scheme of things.
But as a result of all these grey days I can't seem to get enough sleep.
My inner mammal is definitely trying to remind me that the cold hibernating weather is on it's way.
I feel like I'm catching up on three+ years worth of lack of sleep.
Last night I slept for 10 hours!
mind you the night before I had maybe 5 hours.
so when you balance it out I guess that's still normal.
But Lulu is finally on a normal sleep pattern.
8-7ish.
alleluia!!!!
Hard to imagine that one day I will have to be dragging her out of bed in the morning, instead of the other way around.
So I've been a bit groggy to say the least, but I feel so relaxed.
For the first time in a very very long time.
If only I hadn't quit drinking coffee this summer, maybe then I would feel alert enough to actually write a decent post.
yawn.....

the view from here

happy happy

My niece and Lulu left this message for me.
I try hard not to think of Bobby McFerrin's lame song when I hear this phrase and instead think of the simple message.
Ah, if life was that simple.
I'm happy to report that these days I'm feeling pretty damn happy.
Family visits and obligations- done for a while.
Work has slowed down- in a good way.
Lulu is about to embark on another year of nursery school and is so over-the-top-incredibly sweet these days.
I seriously can't get enough of her.
I woke with her gently kissing my face whispering "wake up mama, I love you and I'm ready for a little snuggle time" while softly stroking my cheek.
I mean does it get sweeter than that?
well...with the odd exception of a long 10 km run through the city/woods in the morning.
I can't believe how fun running is.
who knew?
I feel sooooo much better re: health.
I went for a 10 km run last week and felt like I could just keep going-a la forest gump.
so liberating.
nothing better than a long run with amazing music on a sunny morning through the city.
heaven.
I even had wheat pasta the other day just to test the waters and all systems go.
first time with wheat in over two months.
threw in a glass or two of wine and I still feel fantastic. yayayyyyy!!
life is gooood.
i also started a new ritual.
Every Friday I started sending Big daddy for a massage at 8 p.m.
the massage therapy studio just happens to be on our block.
bo-nus.
man oh man- what an awesome idea.
he gets to relax and I don't have to lift a finger (if ya know what I mean)
So it's the weekend and I hope to keep the happy fires burning.
life is good my friends.
happy long weekend!