Monday, June 02, 2008
I remember a time, oh say around 10 years ago today...
that I could not wait until the end of the work day to see big daddy.
I would literally be counting down the minutes until he would pick me up from work,
and we would race back to my apartment to ah....well...catch up on the daily events.
at least that's one way of putting it.
Oh how I wish I could bottle up those early months and save them up for rainy days (or more accurately drought like conditions)
Then after a full year of bliss we decided to move in together.
Feb. 14 1998. oh how romantic.
the first year living in sin was oh so sinful, as well as the second and third.
We had so much fun together. It was amazing.
then we got married.
Suddenly everything was like forever scoob.
time to grow up and get serious.
I have to admit, year one was a bit rough.
Everything felt so permanent, and I freaked out a bit.
Plus add in some financial stress, moving and buying first properties and career pressure..it kind of took the spontaneity out of things.
But we worked through the tough times. together.
then gradually things started to improve.
We were best friends after-all and deeply in love.
My life partner and soul mate without a doubt.
flash forward to 2005.
Five years of marriage (and eight years together) under our belts and on very solid ground.
Lulu's first year was kind of blissful for us as a couple in a strange way.
Oh sure my physical self esteem took a nose dive seeing as I felt totally out of touch with my body and my new role as "mommy"
poor big daddy hasn't really had any hot action since she came into our lives as a result of this insecurity.
I definitely have some work to do in this department- must get past the body image issues.
but having lulu in our lives made us an official family.
I couldn't be happier.
Plus I loved watching big daddy in action as a new dad.
he was really amazing.
Year two was sweet though a little less than romantic due to lack of sleep and endless little visits from our pint sized little love child in the middle of the night and every morning.
Now we are in year three (how did this happen so quickly??)
we just "celebrated" (or more accurately took note) of our eight wedding anniversary.
Somehow the fire that was once there has faded to a dull ember.
It's not that I don't love big daddy, it's just so hard to feel connected when we never seem to have any time ALONE together.
The minute he walks in the door it's daddy daddy daddy!!!! and the second we try to have a sliver of a conversation, lulu starts acting up and shouts "NO TALKING mommy & daddy!!!!!"
This morning it was my 6:30 a.m. rise & shine shift and I made the coffee and tried to keep lulu quiet down stairs so that big daddy could grab an extra hour of shut eye (he is usually quite the saint when it comes to this particular morning ritual) and I am most grateful, but it was my turn.
the second he walked down stairs lulu started acting up.
Not eaven letting us say good-morning to each other and hug.
We both kind of lost it.
She is the love of our lives, but what about us?
as a couple?
she is only three, but all this behaviour is starting to really take it's toll on our relationship.
Are we headed to divorce court?
no, not even close. well most days....
We are in it for the long haul, but come on already!
when exactly do things start to go back to the way they were?
or at least a little like how they were?
No one likes to talk about the strain kids can put on a relationship but I'm wondering if I'm not alone when it comes to issues like this?