Saturday, July 07, 2007

in the pits

If life is a bowl of cherries, why is it that lately I feel like I'm somewhere in the pits?
Maybe a slightly cheesy exaggeration, but for some reason I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed these past few weeks.
Summer is such a short season, and I really want to make the most of it, but between working (which I'm loving, don't get me wrong) a booked up calendar and trying to convince Lulu that nap time is essential to not only her happiness and well being but mommy's sanity as well; I'm feeling a tad spent.
Thus the reason for not having time to blog all week.
no naps + 2 new teeth + high temperature + weeks of sleepless make that months= one haggard mama.
I really hate to complain (though this is exactly what I'm doing) because, life is really good.
too good in some ways.
but I feel like I just can't keep up sometimes.
from the minute I get up in the morning (which sadly is waaaaay before I would like to arise from hopefully a peaceful night sleep. not.) it's like I go into auto pilot.
change lulu.
feed lulu while emptying the dishwasher.
1 minute bathroom break-which quite frankly is so not enough time in my opinion, but that's life. Lulu needs out of her high chair at this exact moment.
One more reason to have a high fibre diet.
scarf back a smoothie or a quick bowl of cereal.
wash & dress lulu.
pop her in-front of the t.v. so I can try to grab a shower without her pulling the shower curtain back and getting water everywhere.
get dressed etc.
pack bag with snacks, toys trying not to forget anything essential.
try to get out of the house before 10 a.m. for some kind of morning activity.
get back to house by around noon-ish to feed lulu.
eat a wrap or something quick and easy.
read lulu some stories and try to put her down for a nap.
if that doesn't work, try to go for a long walk in the stroller and fingers crossed that she passes out.
if that doesn't work, jump in the car and hope that by the time we get to our destination she will have fallen asleep.
If that doesn't work consider sneaking a shot of cold Smirnoff vanilla vodka from the freezer. kidding.
if not, more entertaining her. sigh.
get groceries or run errands.
make dinner.
feed lulu.
bath lulu & get her ready for bed.
big daddy gets home. say hi. barely.
how was your day? blah blah blah.
big daddy checks his email or the dreaded facebook. grrrr.
big daddy takes out the recycling and garbage and waters the garden.
big daddy redeems himself.
read lulu three stories. try to coax her into bed somewhere between 8 & 9 p.m.
eat dinner with big daddy. drink wine.
clean up kitchen after dinner.
watch some t.v. or read.
go to bed.
big daddy eventually comes to bed, often waking me or lulu up. grrrr.
lulu usually wakes up crying.
one of us (usually me) goes to comfort her.
if it's me I rock her in her room for 30 min to an hour. stumble back to bed. try to get back to sleep.
if big daddy goes to get her, he immediately brings her into bed with us which means she completely hogs the bed and digs her tiny cute, yet very annoying feet into me all night long.
lulu wakes up somewhere between 5 and 7.
7 being a complete blessing.
start all over again.
after a few rounds of this, you start to feel a bit robotic.
and by rounds, I'm talking two years worth so far.
There are days that I feel like big daddy is more of a room-mate than my husband.
A room-mate who you bicker with 50% of the time and who you feel like some-days you barely even know.
we are both pretty much exhausted, so I'll chalk it up to that, but still.
Lately it does make me wonder if other couples are in the same boat.
But we keep on going, plugging away day after day.
In fact the more tired I am the more productive I am- which probably sounds insane, but it's true.
I become a woman on a mission to not let sleep & sex deprivation from getting her down.
If I'm going to walk around with bags under my eyes and cobwebs...well..err.. anyhow...
I'm going to at least have things in order.
It makes me feel sane and together knowing my house is clean and well organized, even if inside I'm feeling pretty chaotic.
Or that Lulu is getting enough interaction with kids at the park or on play dates, even if I would rather be sitting in the back yard flipping through a magazine and not making small talk with some other mom or nanny running around after a two year old. not every day just some days. depending if it was a 5 or a 7 a.m. start.
Or that our meals are memorable and delicious. usually prepared from scratch. I am a foodie after all. I can't let that slide.
Or that we still book lots of social get together with friends. which I still feel we don't get enough time to do.
I'm starting to blabber on.
but I guess what I'm trying to say is that all is not this perfect bowl of cherries.

But would I trade any of this for anything else?

Not a chance.
I may be exhausted and a little burned out, but I know it's just a phase that will pass.
And ultimately everyday with lulu is precious to me, regardless of how tired I feel.
because really, she is the sweetest little cherry in the orchard.

and hell, big daddy is pretty sweet too...well at least 50% of the time.


Gabriella said...

Ahhh pg you're not the only couple in this boat! So many days I look at my husband and think wow, he's just like my roommate. But you're right it's a phase and just like a bad phase comes along then a good one will appear.
Hang in there!!

myredwagon said...

I hear you...but hey at least you aren't on bed rest! I'm limited to one outing a day if I'm lucky. These twins are doing a number on me!

Ms. Porter said...

I hear are not alone that's for sure. Hey...take a trip down south if ya know what I mean!!! Hee hee.

metro mama said...

I try to look at this as just a small stage in a long life together. Things will get better.

Though the days can be real long, I too am glad I've been able to spend so many with Cakes.

Kirsty said...

Believe me - you are definitely not the only couple going through this. In fact, I couldn´t have put it any better myself...and my daughter is only 10 months old! I´ll be a total nervous wreck by the time she is two! Good luck. Keep on keeping on.

Sarah said...

PG - I could have written this one myself. Seriously...from the early mornings, to going autopilot, to husband as roommate ,to trying to keep things organized and clean in a world of chaos. It is a phase...and you are doing a great job. And you are not alone.

andrea said...

This all sounds so familiar. I just have to remind myself that this is all only a blip of time in the bigger picture of our lives together.

amanda said...

I with you on so many levels here.

It's a hard being a parent to a toddler. And to maintain a clean/organized/sane lifestyle. And to "maintain" a marriage. There's a lot of work involved. Not to mention that you work as well. I just try to remember that this is a very short period in a long lifetime and the only thing I can do is stay positive and try to have fun and enjoy the time I do have with the hubs and Jack.

I doubt that helps... but a least it lets you know that there's others out there going through what you are. And not just the kiddo struggles but the hubby ones as well.

Laural Dawn said...

I so totally hear you. On all of it. Life is good - great (mostly) but it's a non-stop cycle.
You're totally right on about the bickering. My husband and I are really trying not to. But still. It's really hard sometimes.
I find now my son actually does sleep through the night - and he will sleep in (since he stays up later than me) but I CAN'T sleep. It's frustrating.
Rewarding, but frustrating.
I've given in to Treehouse. We have finally accepted in our house that if turning our bedroom tv on for my son at bedtime while we have "couple" time is the only way it works then we're going to do it.
Not ideal. But, at this point better for our marriage.
Still ... so exhausting!

kittenpie said...

Oh god yes, the whole thing is simply EXHAUSTING. And we fools are still considering adding to this chaos? My solution has been to give up on the house in favour of some semblance of sanity, quite frankly. It's a dive around here. I'd love to have order and cleanliness, but not as much as I'd love sleep.

samlamb said...

i'm with kittenpie - our house is a disaster, but at least i get a little sleep (though sadie dropped napping over six months ago!)

i'm totally going to try to listen to the comments that say this is a "small phase in a long life" because i'm rarely as optimistic. thanks for reminding me to look at the cherries instead!