Wednesday, October 18, 2006

good choices


there once was a time that I didn't want children.
In fact for a very long time I thought having a child would just complicate my life.
I thought I might be a terrible mother.
I thought why bring another child into this screwed up world?
I couldn't imagine how I would find a balance between maintaining a successful career and starting a family.
I was pretty content with the way my life was, why make such a huge change?
Not to sound totally shallow but the thought of getting "fat" and physically giving birth terrified me.
I worked with many people who have opted not to have kids or who probably never will.
The few friends I had with kids made it sound like hell.
One "friend" used to say to me "say good-bye to your life if you have a kid."
or "sleep? what's that?"
or "we are so only having one because ours is sooooo high maintenance" while the poor little thing was within ear shot.
Every time I saw people with kids at restaurants they seemed so frantic, scarfing down their food seeming totally frazzled and unhappy.
Having a child just seemed so daunting..
Then one day I just woke up and thought.."I think I'm ready."
Despite my trepidation, I wanted to be a mother.
I agonized for 34 years...but I felt ready.
I'm not sure what specifically triggered it (perhaps the very loud ticking of my biological clock)
But has there ever been a life decision that I've been happier about?
not really.
Having a child has truly been the single best decision I have ever made.
That's not to say I am not happy with other choices I've made in my life.
Like agreeing to go out with a really funny guy that has now been in my life for almost a decade.
yes, that's you big daddy.
But I never could have guessed that being a mother would be so rewarding and dare I say-fun?
I think back to all the negative comments I had heard about having kids and I scratch my head trying to relate to those statements.
I just can't.
My life has improved more than I could even begin to describe.
never mind saying good-bye to it, it's more like-
"hello life. Now I see what you are all about."
All the things I worried about just sort of worked themselves out.
With the exception of getting fat and feeling pretty crappy about it, that really wasn't too fun, but well worth the outcome.
Sleep. well when Lulu was an infant and yes sleep was a bit of a distant memory, I didn't mind so much.
I used to lay awake just staring at her well after she would fall back asleep.
I could stay away for 24 hours straight staring at her perfect little face.
But all you ever hear about is people complaining about lack of sleep.
It's so worth it, and it's really only for a few short months.
Though I guess that's easy for me to say now that lulu usually sleeps from 8p.m to 8a.m...
As far as thinking I only want one..because it's a lot of work.
well I'm slowly imagining another little person in our lives.
The love you feel for a child is like a drug and I think I might want more.
To be able to create a life is the best gift of all.
Not to candy coat being a parent, but it truly is the absolute best feeling ever.
The love is truly indescribable.
My heart often feels like it could explode with the love I feel for my daughter.
Having Lulu has made my relationship with my husband even stronger.
we often marvel at her both saying almost in unison "we made her".
More often than not I hear women complaining about the trials and tribulations of motherhood.
People like to complain I guess.
It definitely has it's challenging moments.
But it's so much better than I could have ever guessed.
I am so glad I ignored all the negative comments and followed my gut.
Because it lead me straight to my heart.

8 comments:

Mrs. Chicky said...

So beautiful and so true.

However, I still could have done without those sleepless nights. :)

kittenpie said...

You know, I always thought I wanted just the one as well, but now... We both seem to be feeling more and more positive about another. Because really, while they are definitely hard work and I won't underestimate how hard it will be, they really are pretty neat. And I see such a little nurturer in Pumpkinpie, too, I think it would be great for her to have a wee sister, um, other around. (yeah, I want a girl and the chance ofc it not being one is one of the tings that gives me pause, to be brutally honest!)

Gabriella said...

this was nice to read, so nice that it actually made me feel guilty about all the complaining I do about being a mom!!! It was nice to read and made me think about all the positive things there are about motherhood!

petite gourmand said...

Chicky- I guess the sleepless nights were a bit of a drag sometimes, if I'm being 100% honest.
K.pie- I so with you on wanting another girl, I have the same reason for hesitation.
Bri- I sometimes complain too, I think we all do, it comes with the territory.

myredwagon said...

I appreciate your honesty in this post and well in your blog. Saying that at first you didn't see a child in your life and then discovering it was one of your best decisions, is real and refreshing to hear. It's been my experience that women lie about motherhood. I think they lie for a variety of reasons, not wanting to admit things aren't perfect, feeling inadequate or trying to keep up with the "Jones". It drives me crazy - but then I'm kinda to blame because I believed it. Ahh I could go on and on...but this is your space. I'd love to chat with you over coffee sometime.

penelopeto said...

oh, thank you thank you for writing this.
i know that our blogs are our outlets; we need to be able to voice our woes and then go back to being happy, content moms - but...
i really do sometimes wonder if anybody besides me actually thinks it is (dare i say) easier than i thought it woud be!

and, like you, my daughter has been so little 'trouble,' and such a joy, that it is probably going to happen again.

metro mama said...

It's the best thing I've ever done,and I've never been happier. Sure it's hard sometimes, but worth the rewards. Definitely.

petite gourmand said...

redwagon-would love to. Re: coffee.