Friday, June 23, 2006

out of order

I've really been trying to think positive these days.
not an easy task when you are feeling totally burned out.
emotionally void,
physically sapped,
what mother doesn't feel like this at the best of times?
I only have one child so who am I to complain?
add guilt to the list.
I always vowed that when I had a child I would remain true to myself.
stay connected with girlfriends and still go out and sip mojitos and talk about anything other than baby stuff.
keep the romance in my relationship and treat my man like he is and will always be my #1 priority.
be good to myself, take quiet time for reflection, care for my body and stay healthy and active.
take in lots of cultural events other than just dinner out, like movies, festivals, theatre, live music, art exhibits and openings....
balance working part-time with being a parent.
But somehow I have fallen short in every vow that I made.
I thought I could do it all.
after-all that is how it appears that everyone else is handling motherhood.
add feeling inadequate to the list.
might as well throw in self pity too.
I know that with everything in life there are good days and bad days, and despite my previous posts sounding all glowy and happy I do have some bad days.
who doesn't?
fortunately the good ones out number the bad ones.
Funny enough, while writing this I already feel sooo much better.
Just getting it out feels good.
that, and tomorrow is Saturday and I am taking a few hours for some long over due "me time" while big daddy mans the fort.
even if it's just to go to the gym and get a haircut I can hardly wait.
I can't believe I get super excited to get sweaty and receive a maintenance trim...sad but true.
whoopee in two weeks I might finally be able to go to the dentist! how exciting!!!
god how my life has changed.
I still wouldn't trade it for anything.
well maybe just for a day......


Gabriella said...

Thanks for putting into words what I feel as well!!!!

sunshine scribe said...

There is something in the air...I was having one of those days on Friday too. The good news is it seems we are normal.

Hope you enjoyed your Saturday "me time" and that your dentist is at least cute :)