Lately I feel as though I'm not exactly present in my own body.
Maybe that sounds weird.
But I guess I feel as if each day I am just going through the motions.
I'm not complaining, nor do I feel unhappy about anything in-particular, in fact on the contrary,
I feel really content and extremely fortunate for the most part.
But it's like there is a piece of me missing.
I go through this every so often, usually when I haven't had any "alone" time.
But the problem is I never really feel like I need alone time.
I love being with Lulu and big daddy all the time.
I know, I know it's important to maintain a sense of independence.
To remember who "I" am.
To take some personal time.
It's easy to forget sometimes.
There are days when I feel like I could just stare at my daughter all day long and never get bored.
Most days I don't really feel like I even think about myself at all.
That's not to say that I leave the house in grey sweatpants stained with baby food, but I just don't think about me anymore.
And the funny thing is that it is actually REALLY refreshing.
For 34 years all I did was think about ME.
It's nice not to feel so self absorbed.
Lulu has given me so much.
But one of the greatest gifts aside from pure joy, is a sense of selflessness.
It feels quite foreign, but at the same time feels really good.
I don't have time to get wrapped up in some sort of personal drama du jour.
I don't really think about stupid material things anymore.
Because on the grand scheme of things, so much of the crap that I used to get in a tizzy about is so totally irrelevant.
This is not to say that it would probably be highly beneficial if I sat in a coffee shop by myself and read the paper-by Myself.
or took an hour and hit the gym for the first time in over a month.
Or maybe even made plans for a movie or drink with a girlfriend some night...
Or maybe even waited until Lulu was in bed,
big daddy was down stairs reading a book,
and I took some time to write a blog...
So I guess you could call this a sort of "personal" time.
Totally unrelated, but I'm currently listening to
I Highly recommend it.
A little on the melancholy side, but pretty relaxing.
Or if you want to put a modern spin on it try-Pink floyd Redux.
IIII'm comfortably numb....