Monday, November 06, 2006

gimme a "c"

In the early days when I met big daddy he was my number one cheerleader.
My voice of reason.
My go to guy.
My support system.
He helped me through career changes and some really stressful times.
There were several years of this.
Eventually things settled down and I became comfortable and confident working for myself and running my own business.
But I don't know if I could have done it without his unfaltering support.
He was amazing.
Over the past several years I have taken on the roll of cheerleader in our relationship.
Giving words of encouragement and support as much as I can.
Helping out with the business as much as possible with an active toddler taking priority in our lives.
I decided not to go back to work full time and to be a S.A.H.M. (oh how I loath that title)
I've been taking on part-time freelance gigs here and there and I've been finding it to be a good balance.
But as a result big daddy has even more responsibility on his shoulders.
There's not a day that goes by that I'm not aware of that and grateful that we are fortunate enough to be able to make that choice.
But I can tell that it has been taking a toll on him.
He is a pretty moody guy at the best of times, but lately he seems down right unhappy.
He is happy when Lulu gives him kisses and loving'.
I love watching the stress melt away when he watches her in action.
But then as suddenly as is disappears the dark cloud reappears out of nowhere and he is feeling blue again,
and there seems to be nothing I can do to help him out of his funk.
(well I'm sure there might be a thing or two...but let's face it birthdays only come but once a year...;)
We work in a very competitive business (who doesn't) and it's really difficult not to take things personally sometimes.
But I keep reminding him to count his blessings and believe in himself.
Because Lulu and I certainly do.
So much emphasis is placed on mothers and how they cope with a new baby.
Their emotions, how they feel physically, what they have sacrificed.
But there a lot of dads out there I'm sure that feel like they are on quite a roller-coaster ride.
It's pretty easy to forget their needs when the focus is on the baby.
I seriously think guys get P.M.S. as well.
You should see how much chocolate big daddy can consume if the need arises.
I just want to see him happy and himself again.
I miss the real big daddy.
I also don't want this part of his personality to rub off on Lulu.
Because life is too short to worry about a bunch of stuff that really and truly doesn't matter on the grand scheme of things.
Family. Health. Love. Life.
this is what matters.
Everything else should take a back-seat.
But maybe that's easier for me to say when I'm not the one in the driver's seat..


metro mama said...

What an amazing post. We get so caught up in our own drama we sometimes miss what's going on right under our noses.

BP has gone through a lot since Cakes was born too--sometimes I need to remind myself of that.

Cheryl said...

I've been extremely busy over the last few months; therefore, I've only had time to read your posts, but not to comment. Today, I have been totally moved by your words and sentiments. Although, I work full time and attempt to be a "super mom" (which is just as problematic a term as S.A.H.M.), I realize that my husband is also feeling a lot stress in connection to a number of things, including having a beautiful, but incredibly active, 17 month old.

I'm going to send him an email with a link to your post. I hope he gets it. You know, really gets it.

Anonymous said...

similar stuff going on at our house right now. it is hard. and i think that guys don't have the network outside the house to talk about it the way we do. i remember my dad having the same problems from time to time... it is hard. but your love and support will see him through

Lisa b said...

It is really common for guys to feel the pressure of being the breadwinner when we stay home or take some time off work. My husband started working crazy hours when our daughter was born and I never even made a fraction of what he did so it was really a bizarre reaction. We were pretty much in the same place financially but still he felt some huge pressure to succeed at work.
BD is very lucky to have you and lulu to support him.

crazymumma said...

Sorry to hear about this. But....going out on a limb here...but you are sharing the drivers seat. In my took about 2 - 3 years per child for things to normalize. everyone is making sacrifices, everyone is stressed.
I think it is lovely that you feel compassion. Under that type of gentle support he must feel very comforted.

Anonymous said...

ahh the game of LIFE. isn't it funny how one day can be perfectly glorious and the next..... well stressful? hang in there.