Monday, November 06, 2006
gimme a "c"
In the early days when I met big daddy he was my number one cheerleader.
My voice of reason.
My go to guy.
My support system.
He helped me through career changes and some really stressful times.
There were several years of this.
Eventually things settled down and I became comfortable and confident working for myself and running my own business.
But I don't know if I could have done it without his unfaltering support.
He was amazing.
Over the past several years I have taken on the roll of cheerleader in our relationship.
Giving words of encouragement and support as much as I can.
Helping out with the business as much as possible with an active toddler taking priority in our lives.
I decided not to go back to work full time and to be a S.A.H.M. (oh how I loath that title)
I've been taking on part-time freelance gigs here and there and I've been finding it to be a good balance.
But as a result big daddy has even more responsibility on his shoulders.
There's not a day that goes by that I'm not aware of that and grateful that we are fortunate enough to be able to make that choice.
But I can tell that it has been taking a toll on him.
He is a pretty moody guy at the best of times, but lately he seems down right unhappy.
He is happy when Lulu gives him kisses and loving'.
I love watching the stress melt away when he watches her in action.
But then as suddenly as is disappears the dark cloud reappears out of nowhere and he is feeling blue again,
and there seems to be nothing I can do to help him out of his funk.
(well I'm sure there might be a thing or two...but let's face it birthdays only come but once a year...;)
We work in a very competitive business (who doesn't) and it's really difficult not to take things personally sometimes.
But I keep reminding him to count his blessings and believe in himself.
Because Lulu and I certainly do.
So much emphasis is placed on mothers and how they cope with a new baby.
Their emotions, how they feel physically, what they have sacrificed.
But there a lot of dads out there I'm sure that feel like they are on quite a roller-coaster ride.
It's pretty easy to forget their needs when the focus is on the baby.
I seriously think guys get P.M.S. as well.
You should see how much chocolate big daddy can consume if the need arises.
I just want to see him happy and himself again.
I miss the real big daddy.
I also don't want this part of his personality to rub off on Lulu.
Because life is too short to worry about a bunch of stuff that really and truly doesn't matter on the grand scheme of things.
Family. Health. Love. Life.
this is what matters.
Everything else should take a back-seat.
But maybe that's easier for me to say when I'm not the one in the driver's seat..